Destined Desire
by SpiritOfPower
Summary: Love is between two destined souls; Hitsuzen, fate. But sometimes, a new physical form can bring hidden feelings to the surface. PLEASE READ AN! Ignore sometimes morbid chapter titles, it's a fairly happy story. High-ish T rating. POST EPILOGUE!
1. Home

**AN: I recommend reading "Anew" before reading this. Though "Anew" is mostly pointless, this is a sort of sequel, so that story will fill you in to some of the off-canon things in this story; most notably that Fai is still a vampire. I'm aware that my reason for this probably doesn't actually canonically make sense, though I do TRY to maintain some semblance of canon...but I like Fai as a vampire, lol! Also, in my stories Mokona can choose which world they go to, whereas it seems to me that in canon it's a sort of random thing, but I could be wrong. Because (at least at this point ;) ) I'm not completely comfortable with writing yaoi, this will eventually (starting at chapter 9) be a gender-switch story. Again, I'll try to keep this as logical as possible when doing something so un-canon, lol. If you don't like that sort of AU story, I certainly understand you not reading...I probably wouldn't read a gender-switch story myself, lol. If you don't mind, however, please read on! Hope you enjoy! Please review!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothin'. I beg forgiveness from CLAMP for my sins against them and their characters!! Seriously though...I'm not earning anything from this, or (at the time of this writing) anything from any source for that matter, which is why I have time to write fanfiction, so suing me will do no good, I'm broke! **

**Rating: Sort of a high-T at present for Kurogane's hells and damns, characters' dark pasts, etc. May go up to M eventually, if I decide to write (non-explicit) sex...**

It was amazing, how fast time flew by. It was hard to keep track of time, truly. He'd taken to marking each day down in a tiny notebook he always carried with him, so that no matter what month or day or year it was in one world, he always knew a _real _year had passed when he ticked off the three-hundredth-and-sixty-fifth day. The damn magician laughed at him for it...but the damn magician had no grasp...or at least pretended to have no grasp...of practicality. They two might not have much to worry about as far as age was concerned, but in Syaoran's case...well, the boy should be able to keep track of his age, and if they were being constantly muddled up by changing time flows, how would he know? Once, the boy had had three birthdays in a year, in different worlds. Fai insisted on celebrating each, the idiot.

It had been five years since they'd left Clow Country and Princess Sakura behind. Finally, it seemed the journey was coming to an end...for them at least. Roughly six years ago, Kurogane had sworn to return home, and quickly....but things just kept getting in his way. Tomoyo didn't mind, in fact she seemed fully approving of his choice to continue journeying. Mokona saw to it that they frequently returned to Clow and to Nihon, so it wasn't so bad. Still...now, Syaoran was very nearly an adult. Two days ago, he'd addressed his companions in that solemn, kind manner he'd always had.

"_Kurogane, Fai...you've both accompanied me for so long, through so much, with nothing in it for you. Now, I just want to make sure you know; if you desire to leave, whether permanently or temporarily, I will be completely accepting of that decision. My journey may never end...that is the price I paid. You however...you two should be able to live your lives as you will. You have no duty to me. If there was any duty, perhaps in that you could not leave a child to travel alone...that duty is fulfilled, I am a man now. I am fully equipped to travel alone, and Mokona will keep me company."_

_Fai took Syaoran's face between his gloved hands in that darned womanly, motherly way of his, regardless of the fact that Syaoran was too old for such affection even from a _real_ mother, let alone a _man_. The blonde had smiled softly and spoken quietly. _

"_We'll think about it, Syao-kun."_

_At what point had Fai become "Designated Decision Maker for Ninja and Mage"? That night Fai had rolled over on his pallet to face across their tent to where Kurogane lay, and said quietly,_

"_I think we've travelled long enough, Kuro-sama."_

_Kurogane didn't argue._

There was never any question as to where Fai would go. He could not survive without Kurogane, and besides that, he had no home of his own anyway. He would come to Nihon.

Now, the parting had finally come. Mokona had brought them to Nihon, to a small hill about a mile from the castle. The fuzzball was cuddled in Fai's arms, crying.

"Mokona will miss Fai and Kuro-puu very much!"

"We'll miss you too, Moko-chan." Kurogane huffed lightly at the "we", but in a strange way, it was good to have the mage say the things he felt for him, when his pride and awkwardness prevented him from saying it himself. Fai drew Syaoran into his lanky arms and squeezed him tight. "Next time you see Sakura-chan, give her all our love. Remember, we love all of you, Moko-chan and Sakura-chan and you...and we'll be here if you ever need us." Kurogane had a memory of his mother doing that sort of thing, speaking his father's thoughts when pure maleness kept him from speaking, and he snorted, thinking for the eighth millionth time that Fai was a little....off. Still, it was true. He'd never say it, but Kurogane really did love the brats and even the bun thing. "Oh, and you be sure to come and get us for your wedding. And I want to be present for the births of your children! Don't you dare keep us from our grandbabies!"

Syaoran blushed bright red at that, and Kurogane's eyebrow twitched.

"Our grandbabies?! That's taking it too far, mage!"

And then they'd all laughed...and so, they'd parted on a happy note. When Syaoran and Mokona were gone, with promises to visit often trailing in their wake, Kurogane and Fai headed towards the castle.

For all that his goal, from so long ago, had been to return home eventually, Kurogane found himself almost dreading the homecoming. It had been too long. Things would have changed. Someone had undoubtedly replaced him as head of palace security. Laws may have changed. Some of his old comrades were likely dead. Tomoyo had grown and matured; but that at least, he already knew from his visits back. There were many things he hadn't been updated on during those visits, however, and he was suddenly uncertain. Was this even home, now?

As they were approaching the palace gates, he hesitated just slightly. Fai, walking behind him, distracted by the scenery, bumped lightly into him. Settling one hand on the taller man's shoulder, the blonde leaned around and grinned up at his friend.

"Nervous, Kuro-rin?"

He debated over using one of his classic, angry lines in response...but after six years together, it seemed a little pointless.

"A little bit."

The wizard latched onto his arm like a leech on an unfortunate swimmer, grinning madly.

"Awww, poor Kuro-rin! Don't worry, I'm with you!"

"All the more cause to worry."

The mage pouted like a child, deliberately tilting his head to hide his eyes behind unruly blonde locks, as though he were crying behind them. In his absurd clothing (a white coat with enough fluff to put his old one to shame, a blue tunic down to his knees with black leggings beneath, and mid-calf-high black boots) Fai could easily be mistaken for a woman at a distance. Kurogane had a suspicion that the guards at the gate thought he was one...either that, or they weren't very choosy about gender. The way they leered at Fai was just downright disturbing. They also didn't recognize Kurogane...if they had, they wouldn't have dared leer at _anyone _in his company, man or woman.

Fai, dropping his pretence of sulking, pushed his hood back and, still clinging to Kurogane's arm, grinned at the men. One looked surprised and glanced away; he must have mistaken Fai for a woman. The younger, however, smirked back, and ignoring Kurogane completely, winked at the blonde. Though it was rather tempting to lop the fellow's head off...more for ignoring him in a place where he had once commanded respect than for flirting with the idiot...he chose not to react, since doing so would be like claiming the mage as his own...and he really didn't need those sorts of rumours flying around when he'd only just gotten back.

Kurogane just kept walking. He was rather curious as to whether to mage would stay behind and chat with the guards, but Fai never let go of his arm, just waved cheerfully at the two men as they walked through the gate. Kurogane scowled.

"You're glowering. Jealous, Kuro-sama?"

Kurogane snorted.

"No. I'm frowning because security has gotten so lax. Those two were so distracted by you that they didn't even ask who we were, just let us through. They didn't know who I was, and you're obviously not from anywhere around here. For all they know, we could be assassins sent in after the empress and princess, but they just let us through. Under my command, such a thing would have never happened."

"Nyaa, Kuro-sama is a good commander!"

"I swear, six years and I still wanna kill you every time you open your mouth."

Fai just smiled, and Kurogane suddenly wondered what the idiot gate guards would have thought if they'd been close enough to him to see the small fangs in his smile.

The guards at the doors of the palace were men who had served under Kurogane in the past, and they jerked to attention and saluted curtly.

"Kurogane-sama, welcome back. Do you desire an audience with the empress and princess?"

"Yes. Arrange it for me, will you?"

"Yes, sir. But...umm..."

"What is it?"

"Well...the foreigner doesn't have clearance. We'll have to keep him out here until he does."

"He's been here before. Still, it's good to see the security is still tight _somewhere_. Stay here, mage. And, for Kami's sake, _behave_."

Fai threw his fluff-clad arms in the air dramatically and addressed one of the guards, batting his eyelashes exaggeratedly like a poorly trained harlot.

"_Behave_, he says! Do I _look _like I'd ever misbehave?!"

The poor fellow retreated, taken aback. Kurogane set a steadying hand on the man's shoulder and gave him a sympathetic look.

"Good luck, you'll need it."

He entered the palace, chuckling to himself at the audible gulp from the guard. He could hear the wizard giggling maniacally behind him.

**AN: So, there's the first chapter! Please note that since the first 14 chapter are already written, I won't be responding to reviews and comments in Author Notes, chapters 2-14 won't have any, that I remember. Anyone who has questions or important comments, I'll try to reply to with the reply link-y-doo-dad. REVIEWS and constructive criticism appreciated, but hold the flames! **

**The countries around Nihon and the names of the people therein are entirely products of my imagination and not meant to reflect anything historically or realistically accurate. **


	2. Mission

"So, do you intend to remain here permanently now, Kurogane-san?"

"Yes, your highness. For the most part, at least. Likely I will leave occasionally, to visit the children."

"And the wizard, he will stay as well."

"He depends on me to live. He will stay."

Tomoyo, who had been (shockingly) quiet while her sister spoke, now chipped in, but quietly, since the room was full of attendants and guards, though all some distance away.

"You still have not found a way to end his vampirism?"

He shrugged.

"After this long, I doubt there _is _a way. His magic continues to get stronger. His eyes are both blue again now...and he needs to feed only very rarely, once a month, sometimes once every two months. It is possible that his magic will eventually become strong enough to expel the vampire blood, but it hardly matters either way, we've become accustomed to the situation."

"Well, that's all very well then. But what shall we do with you? Unfortunately, your former position is now filled by a very capable man."

He forced himself not to show his disappointment at that news...after all, it was hardly surprising, after this long.

"I'm not so sure about that, the soldiers at the palace gates let us through without even asking who we were."

"Ah, well, they will be removed from their positions. That is not the fault of our commander, however; those guards are new men and he will severely reprimand them before reassigning them."

"Very well. Tomoyo-hime, how would you have me serve?"

She tapped her chin in mock thought...it was fairly obvious she already had a plan. She spoke to Souma.

"Have Fai called in. He should hear what I have to say as well."

The woman left quickly. In a few moments she was back, Fai in tow. The wizard stood out like a white horse in a stable of blacks, his light coloring and absurd clothing pulling every eye in the room to him. Kurogane noticed with a roll of his eyes that most of those gazes, both male and female, had a distinct appreciation in them. Tomoyo stepped off the dais and hugged Fai, then stepped back, smiling happily at him.

"Welcome back, Fai-san! It's been too long!"

"Indeed it has. It's good to be back, Tomoyo-hime."

Kurogane sighed when he heard several of the empress' handmaidens gasp quietly. Stupid Fai and his stupid accent. Though Kurogane had taught him the language of Nihon so that, if they were ever separated from Mokona, they could still communicate, Fai had an accent that had taken even Kurogane unawares. His voice, without Mokona translating, was like a spoken song, lilting and soft and warm. Kurogane was used to it by now...but he wasn't very surprised that the women were swooning over it. It _was _charming, no matter how much he hated to admit it.

When the greetings were out of the way, Tomoyo turned back to Kurogane.

"I've an idea for what to assign you to, Kurogane."

"Yes, highness?"

"You and Fai will be ambassadors. We're engaged in diplomatic negotiations with several nearby territories, and we'll need someone to go and manage treaties and such." Kurogane opened his mouth to protest...he was a warrior, not a diplomat! But Tomoyo held up her hand and cut him off. "Diplomacy includes displaying both our power, and our charm. You, Kurogane, are power...and he," she pointed to Fai and smiled, "is charm." 

Fai grinned widely and made a sweeping bow, layering his already charming voice with a sickening amount of lingual sugar.

"I would be honoured to represent Nihon, your highness."

The handmaidens looked liable to faint.

"And you, Kurogane?" Tomoyo gave him a look that wasn't really a question. She knew his answer already. "Will you serve me this way?"

He nodded curtly.

"I will do my duty in whatever way you see fit."

"Very good! But first, you may both rest for two weeks, and then I will give you your first mission. Kurogane, your old room is still yours...we'll put Fai across the hall from you. Is that satisfactory?"

He nodded again.

"Good. Go now, and rest. We will speak more later."


	3. Memories

Fai spun around, his long sleeves flying outwards, and he clapped his hands like a little child. Kurogane groaned. The idiot...if he had to see the wizard in a furisode one more time, he was going to cut it off him and make him dress like a damn _man_! Then again, considering that Fai's mind filtered everything into perverted form, maybe cutting his clothes off wasn't the best idea...

"Kuro-sama, this is great fun!"

"What is? Being a complete moron? Dressing like a woman? Neither appeals to me."

"No, silly Kuro-sama, it's just fun to have nothing to do and nowhere to go!"

"Nowhere to go _yet_. Two weeks from now we'll have to go."

"Kuro-puu, you're sulking! Is being an ambassador really such a bad thing?"

He sighed heavily and took a drink from the bottle he held. It was good to be back...he'd missed the wine, among other things. He glanced out through his open door to the garden and pond it led to. He was glad to have his old room back; he'd always enjoyed being able to go into the garden whenever he felt like it; love of nature was one of his guilty, somewhat-less-than-manly pleasures.

"I'm a fighter, not a negotiator. I was hoping for something similar to my old command back."

Fai dropped down to sit beside him and reached for the bottle. He took a curious sip, then closed his eyes in pleasure and made an approving humming sound.

"Good wine. I think I'll like it here."

"Give that back."

"Nuh-uh. The last three worlds we've been to had terrible alcohol. Good wine is one of the two staples of my diet..." He smirked. "...the other, of course, being you."

His eyes flashed golden briefly. Kurogane ignored it and snatched the bottle back. Once Fai had admitted to actually _enjoying _the taste of Kurogane's blood, Kurogane had gotten used to those brief flickers of gold whenever Fai thought about it, even if the vampire wasn't hungry. When he was actually hungry, his eyes turned gold and didn't turn back unless he fed or magically suppressed it (which was necessary if they were in some crowded area and Fai could not feed without causing mass panic).

"Kuroooogaaaneee! Give it baaaaack!"

The whining grated on his ears. He wondered if Fai had used his real name because it had more syllables to drag out and annoy the ninja with, or if he was trying to prod a nerve and make Kurogane give the bottle back out of desire not to relive painful memories. Both tricks had been employed many times over the years...enough that neither worked anymore. He kept the bottle and ignored the blonde's pout.

"Go get your own, idiot. There's a bunch in the cabinet in the corner. It'll be all the better for having been there six years."

Fai jumped up and skipped across the room, and returned with not one, but three bottles. Kurogane sighed. He hoped Fai was in his serious drinking mood, and not the "pretend to be drunk and run around meowing like the demented cat from hell" mood.

Thankfully, Fai drank quietly, looking out over the garden and letting a companionable silence settle over them.

A thoughtful, somewhat sad look came over Fai's face. Kurogane noticed and spoke quietly. The years had made conversation easier between them, on almost every topic.

"Something wrong?"

"No, not really. I just remembered something..."

There was silence for a long moment. Finally, Kurogane sighed.

"Are you gonna tell me?"

"You won't like it. I don't even like thinking about it."

"Spit it out, mage."

"Today...it's been ten years since I became Ashura-ou's lover."

Kurogane blinked. It was the first time Fai had so directly spoken of his relationship with the mad king. Granted, he'd always assumed it had been something like that...but hearing it so plainly was a little startling. And more than a little awkward...Kurogane had never been comfortable with romantic relationships between males, despite that many of his comrades had had male lovers and despite the fact that even he was not completely unaffected by Fai's charm, especially given the intimacy of vampiric feedings. Also, to add to the awkwardness was the rather uncomfortable fact that it was Kurogane who had killed Ashura...and he'd often wondered if some small, secret part of Fai might resent him for it. He cleared his throat.

"You wanna talk about it?"

Fai stared into nothing, apparently lost in memory, and spoke quietly.

"He raised me...he was always so kind. I never thought of him as a father...I didn't even really understand the concept of a father, given my past. I looked up to him, certainly, but he was always more a friend and an idol of sorts than a father figure. He never acted...inappropriately towards me. But, when I got into my teens, started to grow up, and naturally became rather curious about the nature of physical relationships...well, I asked him to explain it. Again, he made absolutely no advances towards me; he just honestly explained men and women and how they interact.

But...I began to question things I had always thought normal before; like the way I was normally always welcome in Ashura-ou's chambers, but when he and one of his "friends" were "speaking" privately, I was forbidden entry. There were noblemen, guards, even the occasional civilian. But they were always male...and I began to understand what that meant. I asked Ashura-ou about it, and he answered me, honestly. From that moment, I think I understood that a day would come when his eyes would fall on me in a different way than I was accustomed to. I knew I would be given a choice; but I never even considered saying no. After all he'd done for me...after he had given me the only semblance of happiness I had ever known...how could I refuse? It would have been dishonourable, I thought. It was years before it happened, not until I was a man full-grown...but when he turned his attention to me, I was willing. Not eager, but willing. Right up until the killings started...I shared his bed, indifferent physically but always craving to please him in whatever way I could, to repay him in part for all he'd given me, to ensure he was willing to keep giving me security. I never loved him as a lover...but I always loved him, until he changed...until he lost himself...and even then, in a way..."

Kurogane saw the tears in the blonde's eyes and tried to think of something to say. What could he say? In a sense, his relationship with Tomoyo was similar, in that she had saved him and given him a measure of security and happiness...and perhaps, though he could scarce imagine it, he too would have been willing to thank her with his body. But...it was so hard to imagine that he couldn't even decide if he would do such a thing or not. Tomoyo would never ask such a thing. Tomoyo was also not likely going to go mad and start killing her own subjects, _ever_.

"I'm sorry it all went wrong."

Fai smiled softly.

"In the end, I'm glad. If he hadn't gone mad...if it hadn't all gone to hell...I would have lived my whole life as a king's pet. There are worse things, that I know from experience...but I wouldn't have wanted to live that way forever, in the bed of someone I did not desire, never knowing what the rest of the universe is like. Even though it still makes me sad to think of it...his death freed me..._you_ freed me."

The look in those sapphire eyes was not something Kurogane was sure he wanted to address. He always felt a little bit uncomfortable about the way fate had thrown them together; it reeked a little too much of those old fairytales he'd been told as a child. Two people with broken pasts, trapped together by destiny...sometimes he felt that, whether he liked it or not, Fai was the princess in the tower, and he the knight in shining armour. Sometime he wondered if Hitsuzen was really nothing more than that damn witch pulling strings because she liked seeing men together. He wouldn't put it past her, dead or not.

Fai took a long drink and smiled. Kurogane tensed, awaiting the inevitable meow and false drunkenness. There was no meow, but Fai giggled and curled up against Kurogane's side, not unlike a cat in his movements. Rolling his eyes, Kurogane whacked him very lightly on the head with his fist.

"Meow!"

He sighed. He was going to have to start locking his wine cabinet.


	4. Sickness

Fai only vomited over the railing twice before he made up his mind.

"I'm not eating any more normal food until we're off this blasted thing. If I'm hungry I'll feed from you."

The blonde was actually sulking...not his normal, fake pouting for amusement; but an actual, sullen sulk. He was sprawled on his back what was normally Kurogane's bunk, lent to Fai because it was easier to get to the bucket in the corner from the bottom bunk than from Fai's top bunk. He had a cool wet cloth over his eyes and a downward set to his lips. Kurogane was very tempted to chuckle, just a little. Who would have thought that Fai, who seemed imperceptible to any of the small troubles and inconveniences of normal people, would be _seasick_?

"Go ahead and laugh, you big mean dog. It won't make me feel any worse than I do already."

Kurogane snorted amusedly but resisted the urge to actually laugh.

"You'll get used to the motion in a couple of days."

"Sure, if I still have a stomach left at all. Likely enough the entire thing will go over the side with everything I've eaten in the last _month_."

"Don't exaggerate, mage."

"Ha! You try having your insides ripped out by claws three times the size of mine, chewed up by a rapid dog, and then stuffed back in upside down and see if I'm exaggerating!"

Kurogane turned away to hide his smile, assuming that Fai was likely peeking out from under that cloth. He debated whether there was anything he could give Fai to make him feel better, but the only things he could think of were wine, blood, and maybe mixing blood and wine, which sounded more nauseating than recuperating. Then again, with Fai, it might be just the thing. Still, he wasn't going to waste wine if the idiot was just going to throw it back up; he treasured good wine more than his own blood.

"Remind me again how long we have to be on this floating hell?"

"Two weeks. Three, including all the stopovers in ports, since this a merchant vessel."

Fai groaned and rolled onto his stomach, burying his face in his pillow and mumbling something that sounded like it was probably an expletive in his own language.

In all the time they'd known each other, Fai had never been sick. Kurogane had gotten a few colds, but less than he could count on one hand. Fai always fussed over him immensely when he was sick, which was, of course, obnoxious. He wondered, though, if the wizard _wanted _to be fussed over. Maybe he could hint to one of the few women on the ship that his good-looking friend was sick and could use some companionship. He certainly wasn't going to fuss over Fai himself, but getting someone else to do it wasn't a bad thought. He wanted Fai to be as comfortable and content as possible...he just wasn't willing to play nurse to achieve that.

"Shut up, your thoughts are noisy."

"Huh?"

"Stop thinking so much, it's like a buzzing sensation on my magic. It makes me dizzy, so quit it."

"You can hear my thoughts? Why didn't you mention that before?!"

"I can hear them, in a way, but I can't _read _them. I don't know what you're thinking, only that you are. And it's only been this way since I got enough magic back to turn both eyes blue again. Normally I don't even notice, but if I'm not feeling well or my nerves are on edge, your thoughts are annoying. So shut up."

"How am I supposed to not think?"

"Go to sleep, get drunk, bang yourself over the head with something...just stop it...or at least think about something calm...flowers or streams or something..."

"You're ridiculous, wizard."

"Uhn."

As amusing as it was to see Fai uncharacteristically sullen and irritated, it really was worrying to see him so pale and strained looking. Still, lots of people got seasick, and many if not all of them adjusted to the ship fairly quickly. Fai would likely feel better in a day or two.

"I feel feverish. Is it normal to have a fever when you're seasick?"

Slightly worried, Kurogane rose from the desk where he'd been rather grumpily reading through his orders from Tomoyo again, and laid the back of his hand against Fai's forehead.

"You do have a fever. I've never been seasick, but I wouldn't think you should have a fever from that."

Fai's eyes slitted and went gold. He grabbed Kurogane's hand, flipped it over, and drove his fangs into the ninja's wrist. Kurogane started just the slightest bit, more from surprise than from pain, but then he shrugged to himself and sat on the edge of the bunk to wait until Fai was done. It was longer than normal this time; not so much in that Fai actually took more blood, as in that he seemed to linger over every drop, often leaving the punctures to chase after a drop of blood that had escaped him and ran down Kurogane's arm. It made Kurogane uneasy, having the wizard like this. He preferred for feedings to be short and messy, rather than this long, drawn out licking and sucking. He didn't like how good it felt, how much a part of him would very much like it to go on and on.

Fai sat up finally, golden eyes glittering. He touched his thumb to the corner of his mouth and licked away the blood. After a moment his eyes faded to blue, and he blinked, looking startled.

"S-sorry. I don't know why I...why that happened." He swiped a finger across the fang marks, which were still oozing just the tiniest bit of blood, and then licked his fingers again. "I feel a lot better. In fact I don't feel sick at all now."

"You've never been sick as a vampire before. Could be you need to feed when you're not feeling well, and it helps. And not feeding gives you a fever."

"Hmm. Well, at least maybe I won't have to spend the whole trip in throes of agony."

Kurogane snorted and left the bed. When there were no more annoying comments from Fai, he glanced back and discovered the blonde had fallen soundly asleep. He wondered briefly if he should be worried, but decided it was probably just a reaction to having been sick, having fed, and then the relief of feeling better. It was good to be able to enjoy the quiet without concern for his companion.


	5. Confusion

Fai was sitting on the rail watching the sun go down with his legs dangling over the side, and not a trace of fear. Unsurprising, Kurogane supposed, since if he were to fall overboard he could probably levitate himself back up using magic. Kurogane came up beside him and crossed his arms on the railing, looking towards the mass of land that was now looming close. Fai spoke without looking at him, having undoubtedly been aware of his presence from the moment he exited the hold.

"This country we're going to...Karthan. Did you know that they have a person...or perhaps a group of people...who hold enormous magical power?"

"No. How do you know?"

"I can sense it, even from here. And if I can sense it from this far away...that's a power to be reckoned with. Or rather, to avoid a reckoning with."

"Hn. Tomoyo probably knew and sent us anyway, without telling us. That's just like her."

"Tsk, tsk, Kuro-puu. That sounds like treason."

"Whatever. Does the power feel malicious?"

"Not really, no. More like neutral. I wouldn't suggest irritating whoever's controlling it, though."

"Is it more powerful than your magic?"

"Yes...but not by any huge amount. My magic's grown a lot over the years since I got my eye back. I imagine by this point whoever controls that other power can feel me just as much as I can feel them. I just hope I'm not perceived as a threat. I wouldn't want them to be on the defensive...or worse, offensive, when we're just arriving. But since Tomoyo-hime sent me, she probably feels it won't cause problems. We'll just have to trust her judgment."

"Humph...I don't particularly trust the judgment of anyone who insists on making her ninjas spare assassins' lives and likes to dress men up in women's clothing."

Fai laughed. He reached down one hand and suddenly it was full of water: even though there was quite a distance between his hand and the sea. He then proceeded to calmly pour the water over Kurogane's head...and took off running. Kurogane considered chasing him, like in the old days, but instead decided to maintain his dignity in front of his countrymen manning the ship. So, rather than giving chase, he watched the mage until the blonde stopped running and hid behind a crate, peeking out mischievously. The crew watched Fai with interest, amusement, and in several cases, infatuation. Kurogane took long strides across the deck, and before the mage could run again, grabbed him by the scruff of his collar and threw him unceremoniously overboard.

A worried gasp went up from most of the crew, but when pale hands appeared on the railing and a wet blonde head popped up with a whine of "Kuuuuuroooogaaaneee, that was meeeean!" the entire crew burst out laughing, and Fai along with them.

The captain, a tall, swarthy man who never leered at Fai and therefore gave Kurogane hope that there was still some sanity left in the world, approached them.

"Kurogane-sama, Fai-sama, we should be docking in about two hours. Will you be going ashore immediately, or waiting until the morning?"

"We're not expected until the morning, so we'll stay aboard 'til then. Have a problem with that, idiot?"

"Nope!" Fai rubbed his dripping head with a towel provided by an eager young cabin boy who was watching the blonde's every move with nearly visible hearts in his eyes. "It's best not to do anything unexpected right at first. If they're expecting us in the morning, we'd best wait until then."

"Very well. Will you be needing anything from the shore tonight? My men will cause no problems by going ashore; they've been here several times before on trading voyages."

"Hmm, I'll need some casual clothes in the local style. We have ceremonial robes from Nihon for official gatherings, but during free time I'll want something more comfortable." Fai winked at the cabin boy. "I'm sure this fine young fellow can find something to suit me."

The boy blushed seven shades of red and nodded so hard his head looked liable to fall off. Kurogane groaned quietly and wondered whether he should be amused or horrified by the thought that the kid would probably bring back something sheer and indecent...and Fai would probably wear it just because he was insane.

"Alright, we'll see to it. And you, Kurogane-sama?"

"Bring back a few bottles of a good local wine, and some fresh bread. And..." He removed his cloak and set it in the cabin boy's arms. "...see to it that this gets mended, it got snagged on a nail and ripped near the bottom."

"Kuro-puu, say please!" Fai swatted Kurogane lightly on the side of the head and then headed towards the hold. "I'm going to change, since you got me all salty, you horrible person."

The cabin boy lit up like a lantern and practically bounced up and down.

"Would you like me to prepare a bath for you, Fai-sama? Since we're so near shore we can use the freshwater, we'll be restocking tonight or tomorrow anyway."

Fai smiled, but shook his head.

"Thanks, but I'm fine for now. I'll get you if I need anything else."

Fai moved away, and the captain bowed politely and left. Kurogane turned to the cabin boy and smirked.

"What's your name, kid?"

"Hiro, sir."

"Huh. Hiro, you're about as unsubtle as an elephant in a mouse's hole. If you really must be perverted, learn not to be so damn obvious, got that?"

The boy had the nerve to smirk back at him!

"Might you be jealous, Kurogane-sama?"

He thought his jaw might have actually dropped in pure shock at the kid's insolence.

**.........**

Fai laughed melodically from behind the privacy screen. Kurogane should have known that he'd demand a bath and demand that Kurogane fetch the water, despite having refused Hiro's offer only moments before. Still, he could see why. It would be troublesome for him to have the little brat trying to sneak a peek at him naked.

"What did you do to him then, Kuro-sama? Nothing permanently damaging, I hope."

"If I'd hit him or anything, it would have only proved his point."

"Ah! You're learning, Kuro-clever."

"Yeah, learning to be devious like you. Honestly hitting someone was a much more honourable way of living."

"Ooh, are you saying you did something wonderfully sneaky and conniving to him?"

"Just a dose of laxative in his rations."

"Hyuu! How adorably wicked of you! Hopefully that'll keep him busy enough to leave me alone."

Fai stepped from the bath with a splash and pulled a loose cream yukata off of the screen, tying it on and emerging with a towel slung over his head haphazardly.

"If you don't want him so interested in you, then don't flirt with him so much!"

"Nyaa, if I didn't know better, I'd say you really _are _jealous, Kuro-puu. Anyway, I'm not flirting with him, I'm just flirtatious. It's only my nature; it's not personal to him."

"Yeah, well, he's taking it personally."

"Oh well, we'll be off the boat tomorrow, and we're going to be here for a month and go back on a different ship, so he'll probably never run across my path again."

"I guess you're right."

Kurogane opened a rather clever hatch in the wall and dumped the bath water out into the ocean, then poured another barrel of water in and undressed behind the screen, getting into the bath and hissing slightly at the cold. Fai always insisted upon his baths being heated to, at the very least, warm; and preferably scalding hot. In most other things the mage preferred cold, due to the climate he'd been raised in, but he loved hot baths. Kurogane loved worlds with running hot water, and enjoyed long hot showers in those worlds...but when such things were not available, he preferred to forgo the long process of heating water and simply get in, suffer the cold, get clean, and get out.

Night had fallen, and the cabin was lit by two candles, one behind the screen with Kurogane and the other bolted to the small table at the head of the bunks. When Kurogane stepped out of the bath and dressed, he found Fai sprawled out and dozing on his bunk, the bottom one, which Fai always seemed to take great amusement in curling up on whenever possible. In the dim orange light, he studied the wizard. What exactly did he feel for his companion? Friendship? Brotherhood? Or something else? He'd never been attracted to males...though he had once spent a half hour in the intimate companionship of a comrade during a long military campaign when frustration overrode squeamishness. Still, he'd take a woman any day, at least physically. But Fai...Fai somehow seemed to transcend the limitations of gender. Perhaps it was all they'd gone through together, an emotional bond so deep that attraction was simply a natural result of it. Or maybe he'd just been at sea too long and his brain was getting pickled by seawater. If Fai were a woman...would that change things? Would he long ago have jumped at the chance to be with the mage?

One blue eye, tinted orange by candlelight, opened slightly and peered up at him sleepily.

"What're you looking at?"

Kurogane shrugged his odd mood away and growled at the wizard.

"An idiot sleeping in my bed."

"You're so romantic, Kuro-puppy. Just replace "idiot" with "angel", and it'll be perfect."

"Shut up and get out of my bunk."

"Grumpy, grumpy. Fine."

Fai stood up and wobbled slightly, half-asleep and looking like a tired child as he stood on Kurogane's mattress and hoisted himself onto the top bunk, flopping onto his stomach and closing his eyes.

"G'night, Kuro..."

"Night, mage."

He settled into his own covers and wondered why the soft scent of the shampoo Fai used seemed so strangely pleasant on his pillow.


	6. Regret

"Ten thousand warm greetings. We welcome you with joy to Karthan."

"Our gratitude is surpassed only by your kindness. We cannot express the depth of our joy at entering your magnificent nation."

Kurogane struggled to keep a polite semi-smile on his face and not roll his eyes. Really, these overdramatic formal greetings were perfect for Fai. Maybe Tomoyo-hime did have better judgement than he'd joked about her having.

"You are not a native of Nihon, and yet you represent them. From where do you hail, ambassador?"

"A land far from these countries; called Celes."

"It is no nation I have heard of."

"Not many have, milord. It is a largely unknown land."

"Tell me, how did you come to be ambassador for a nation not your own?"

"My silent companion and I..." A sly shift of his eyes towards Kurogane was the only thing to indicate his amusement. "...have worked together many times in the past, on many different excursions. He is one of the finest of Princess Tomoyo's...no, _the _finest...of her men. I am inclined to be more conversational than he, yet he is a better representation of his nation. Together, the empress and the princess thought we formed a well-suited ambassadorial team."

"I see. You are eloquent...yet I sense both of you would rather drop the formalities, and I too would prefer this, so let us do so. Please, speak casually."

"Thank you, milord."

"Please, call me Thendric. I serve Empress Medini as her head of foreign interaction. And your names, ambassadors?"

"I'm Fai, and this is Kurogane."

"Your name is as unusual as your appearance."

"Yes. My country is much different than any of the ones nearby."

"If we have time, you should tell me more about your country. I am always fascinated by new cultures."

"I'd be glad to."

Kurogane shot the wizard a slightly concerned glance. If Thendric really did bring up Celes later on, would talking about his past sadden Fai? Fai gave him a reassuring smile that made him nervously wonder if the blonde really _could _read his thoughts, not just hear them as a buzzing on his consciousness as he'd claimed.

As the procession which had come to meet them began slowly walking back up the cobbled streets towards the stunning white of the palace, their plain white robes flowing softly and their bare feet occasionally peeking out from beneath, Fai and Kurogane fell in behind them, and Fai spoke, nearly whispering so as not to be overheard.

"All of these people have some degree of magic. Judging by their clothing, I'd guess that they're some sort of sect dedicated to purity and to the empress. They contributed to the power I felt on the ship...but they're not the main source. Most of the power seems to be within one person; perhaps the leader of the sect, or perhaps the empress herself. There's no enmity towards us in the power...not yet, anyway. We should be cautious."

"You don't have to tell _me _that, mage. _You're _the one who'll probably call the wrong person a nickname or flirt with someone dangerous and end up getting us both killed."

"Aww, don't be mean, Kuro-sama! I'll behave!"

"I'll believe that when I see it."

"Prepare to convert, then. I'm on my best behaviour." Fai went suddenly serious. "Don't worry about Celes. I don't mind talking about the weather, the people, the architecture...I'll be fine."

"What if they ask about the royalty?"

Fai bowed his head briefly, but then looked back up and smiled, sincerely, if a bit sadly.

"I'll be fine. A little sad, but fine. It's been a long time. Scars fade with the years."

"Hn."

**.........**

The palace was impressive, built of a smooth white stone of some sort. Towers topped with gold-gilded domes rose up high above the perfectly tended gardens and the red stones of the cobbled courtyard. Fai kept tilting his head up at odd angles to try to see it all.

"Idiot, don't break your neck. It's not natural to turn it like that." 

Fai's head spun back into a more natural looking position, and he grinned.

"Sorry, Kuro-puu. It's just all so pretty!"

"Yeah, yeah. You'll get a chance to look at it all later. For now, try to act like you're normal."

The magician sighed overdramatically.

"Kuro-myuu is so cruel to me!"

"Whatever."

The procession of white-robed greeters bowed in sync and walked in another direction, leaving the two ambassadors alone with Thendric. He smiled and continued leading them, down hall after hall, turning corners and going through doors until it was like being in the center of a maze. Finally, he opened one last door and waved them inside.

"These will be your rooms. There are two adjoining suites. I hope you do not mind being so close together? I assumed you would wish to stay together, as it would be uncomfortable to be separated from all familiarity in a strange country. The two suites are each fully furnished, so though they're joined by this room, you will still have complete privacy if you desire it."

"Ooh, these rooms are perfect!"

Kurogane ignored his companion and turned to Thendric, measuring the other man up. Thendric had a somewhat priestly air about him; he was wearing a simple white robe, made rich-looking by the gold chains around his neck and the gold embroidering on the cuffs, hem, and neckline. His hair was pitch black, perfectly combed and worn in a long braid down his back. Yet despite that his attire made him look more bookish than a warrior, Kurogane noted the stubborn look in his eyes and the calluses on his hands, not to mention the knife in his boot which he'd caught a glimpse of when the man was walking up some stairs ahead of him, and decided that the man was more than what he appeared.

"This will do. When will we be meeting with the empress?"

"Tomorrow morning. Someone will come to alert you an hour or so before the empress desires to see you, so you will have time to prepare. For today, please, relax and make yourselves at home. If you desire anything; food, drinks, extra blankets; anything you like, just pull this cord and a servant will see to it. Also, we have several well-trained courtesans available to our guests. I assure you they're kept completely clean and disease free, so if you should desire the use of one, pull the cord with the bell attached to it." Kurogane struggled not to show his surprise; out of the corner of his eyes he saw a strange expression cross Fai's face and couldn't decide whether the magician was angry or sad or just puzzled...or all three. "Unless you require anything of me, I should be on my way now. The empress will want to know you have arrived. Oh, I nearly forgot, outside those doors across from me is a small courtyard and garden, and a pool which you are welcome to swim in. Feel free to spend as much time as you like there. However, I must ask that, until you have met with the empress, you do not leave these chambers. If the negotiations go well tomorrow, as I expect they will, then you will be free to explore most of the palace and the city at your will. These limitations should only be for today."

Fai spoke up.

"That's fine, it sounds like there's plenty to do in here. Thank you for everything."

"The pleasure is mine. Farewell for today then. I'll see you again in the morning."

"Okay then. Farewell."

Thendric left, and as soon as he was gone, Fai became a blur of motion.

First, the blonde pulled off his extravagant ceremonial robe, leaving him in just a loose white kimono of sorts, and set the robe aside.

"That thing is horrible and itchy and evil!"

Then, he ran across the room and pulled open the doors, sticking his head out into the garden and looking all around. Then, he bounced back across the room and opened one of the two doors on either side.

"That'll be your suite, Kuro-sama. It's all in red and white."

Back across the room and through the other door.

"Hyuu! This is much better. Light violet and white. This one's mine."

He danced back into the center room.

"I wouldn't take that one even if you wanted me to, idiot."

"Hmm, let's order fifteen bottles of wine, several platters of snacks, and...I wonder if they have any _males _"available to our guests"?"

Kurogane's mouth dropped open and his eyes went wide. Fai clapped his hands and began to laugh melodically.

"Poor Kuro-gullible! I'm just joking." And just as the ninja started to relax, he added. "Mostly, anyway." Kurogane sighed. "Seriously though, let's call for a girl."

"What?! You seriously want a girl to come and..."

Suddenly Fai seemed serious.

"No, not that. Imagine what life must be like for those girls. Sure, there are worse places and situations where they could be doing the same job...here, they're fed and clothed and kept healthy, and they're probably protected from being harmed by the guests...but still...they're no more than property, a convenient amenity to make the guests happy, no different than food and wine and extra blankets. And...I can't say for certain about this place, but I've encountered places before where the girls are kidnapped or even sold by their parents as teenagers, and end up like this. So...let's call for a girl and show her something different for a night. Tonight, _she_ will be _our _guest."

"They remind you of yourself, is that it?"

Fai wandered into his suite and Kurogane followed, watching the blonde flop down on his bed on his stomach and wrap his arms around a pillow.

"In a way, I suppose. My grandfather...well, you know what he did to us, to Fai and me. So I suppose I sympathize with girls sold by their parents. And...Ashura-ou, he fed and clothed me, kept me healthy, and in return, I was to him what those girls are to the palace guests. Except...I didn't have to be that. Some...maybe all...of those girls were forced into this at first, even if they've grown accustomed to or even happy with it now. I...I was willing. Which I suppose makes me a much worse person than them."

"Most people have a physical relationship with somebody at some point, Fai."

"Yes, but normally it's for love or even just mutual desire. But I...I sold myself, despite that I didn't want him that way...I gave myself to him in exchange for the life he gave me. Isn't that, the payment, the difference between normal intercourse and prostitution?"

"Don't think so much. It's all in the past anyway, so let it go. We all have something we regret." He reached out and thumped the blonde very lightly on the head. "I'll go order the sake and the food."

"And a girl?"

Kurogane rolled his eyes.

"And a girl."


	7. Child

Annoying though it was, Kurogane had to admit to himself that this had been a good idea, though they'd both been horrified by the girl who came in their door thirty minutes earlier. She was stunning, with long, dark brown hair and eyes that were almost black, shaded beneath long lashes...she was small and lean and lithe, but still moderately and nicely curved...and she was no older than sixteen years old, if that. At first, she'd seemed just as horrified by the fact that there were two of them as they were by her age. Fai had jumped in to smooth it all over, grabbing her hands, smiling softly and completely free of even the slightest trace of flirtation or sensuality. He smiled at her like he did at Sakura and Syaoran, as though she were his child.

"Relax, little princess. We called you here tonight to keep us company, nothing else. If you'd rather not stay, you're free to go."

She looked up at him with wide eyes and spoke in a quiet, timid whisper.

"Really? Nothing else?"

"Nothing else, princess. Just sit with us, talk with us, eat with us. You can even stay here through the day and all night, if you're allowed and you'd like to. Everyone needs a vacation every once in a while, ne?"

Suddenly her face brightened incredibly, and beautiful smile lit up her features. She nodded happily.

"Thank you, Ambassador-sama!"

Now, thirty minutes later, the girl was in animated conversation with Fai, while Kurogane watched with vague amusement. Really, it was tragic to see such an eager and apparently intelligent girl living this way. Fai was spinning a rather edited version of their journeys into a fanciful and utterly ridiculous story.

"And of course, I won the race! Kuro-sama did pretty well too, but he couldn't beat me!"

Kurogane snorted.

"You were the first one of our group to forfeit, idiot."

"Oh, suuure. Really Kuro-puu, it's terrible to change facts in your own favour."

The girl, Sotiri, looked back and forth between them for a moment, then, nervously chewing on her fingernail, gave Fai an apologetic look.

"I think...I think I believe Kurogane-sama."

Kurogane smirked at Fai, feeling an absurd urge to stick his tongue out and deciding he'd probably better stop drinking. He patted the girl on the head once.

"Smart kid."

Fai laughed softly and stood.

"Sotiri-chan, do you like to swim?"

"I...I used to. I haven't in a long time though."

"Not since you've been here?"

"Yes...It's been a year and a half."

"Would you like to swim again? There's a pool out in the garden. You can use it if you like."

"Really?! Is it okay?...That is, the mistress says we're allowed to do anything the guests let us do, as long as we don't leave the palace...but...nobody's ever let me use their pool before..."

"It's really okay. Go ahead. You can swim in whatever you want...your clothes or just your underclothes or even just your skin; we'll keep the doors closed and give you privacy. We're just going to sit in here getting drunk and talking nonsense, like the old men we are."

The girl giggled, thanked him profusely, and ran out into the garden, sliding the door closed behind her.

"What's with rushing her out like that, mage?"

Fai sat down close to Kurogane and slumped against the taller man's shoulder. Kurogane stiffened.

"I can't stand it...she's only just turned sixteen...and she's been here for a year and a half...it's horrible. That means when she came here...she wasn't far from the age Sakura was when we started out. Imagine, a little girl like Sakura, dragged into this type of thing. I...I..."

With a shock, Kurogane realized the wizard was crying. Hesitantly he let the wizard curl against him, and even wrapped an arm very loosely around the smaller man's shaking shoulders.

"It seems like every world has wrong in it. We can't change everything...but..." He swallowed his pride, which always resisted the concept of offering anybody anything, especially the wizard, and spoke. "...how would you like to see if we could take that kid home with us?"


	8. Wish

Empress Medini was an impressive woman, to say the least; tall, commanding, and dressed in so much finery that Kurogane was surprised she could still stand. Strangely enough, she met them in a room empty of guards and attendants, with only Thendric at her side. If was slightly insulting, as if she was saying quite clearly that she did not consider them a threat. Wondering if the empress was the source of the power Fai had been feeling, Kurogane glanced at his companion and got a very subtle nod.

They exchanged formal, insipid greetings, and Kurogane forced himself to speak his ingratiating lines without growling or clenching his teeth...not much at least. The formalities over, the empress looked at Fai and spoke in her strong, cultured voice.

"You are a creature which needs blood to survive...your companion's blood, if I'm not mistaken."

Kurogane had to fight not to show surprise, whereas Fai just smiled brightly.

"Quite right, milady: an unfortunate condition which I have been unable to free myself from...which with time has come to be routine and not so unwelcome as it was in the beginning." A sharp look came into his eyes. "And you, milady; you too suffer an unfortunate malady; if I am correct, your hearing in your right ear and your vision in your left eye have been stolen by an enemy, and so you have sealed your ear and eye with magic so that he may not see and hear everything you see and hear."

Thendric, like Kurogane had, seemed to be fighting surprise. Suddenly, the empress smiled, and her solemn features were transformed into a mischief that made Kurogane suddenly realize who she reminded him of...that witch woman! She stepped off her dais and grasped Fai's hands, laughing slightly.

"Well then, now that we've each proved our power and that we can read each other's weaknesses and flaws, let's be friends."

"That sounds lovely, highness."

Thendric and Kurogane blinked at each other, and then both shrugged slightly. Kurogane was coming to believe that everyone who wielded any type of magic was insane to at least some degree.

**.........**

"Medini, may I ask you something?"

Standing against the wall watching the empress and Fai drink tea, Kurogane and Thendric both cringed at Fai's informal addressing of the empress, but said royal only smiled brightly.

"Certainly, Fai, what is it?"

"You seem like a good, fair ruler...and you're a woman, which I would think would keep you from exploiting your own gender...so may I ask why there are palace prostitutes available to guests? And more specifically, why some of them are girls who are still essentially children? We chose last night to summon one simply to provide conversation and company, and she was a mere sixteen years old."

"Ah...well you see, my predecessor, Emperor Hendath, made this palace famous for its accommodations and pampering of visiting dignitaries and such. This included the keeping of palace courtesans. Hendath was my great uncle. In this country, when one emperor or empress dies, the next is elected from a selection of qualified family members: so the crown stays within the dynasty, yet the people have some choice as well over who rules them. I was elected on Hendath's death a year ago, and I have been slowly expelling the things I do not believe should continue. However, discontinuing something famous and popular all at once can be a dangerous political move...so instead I have ceased taking in new prostitutes and begun slowly providing those who were already here with houses and livings outside the palace, freeing them. There are only ten left, and I was under the impression that I had already freed all the younger ones...but I seem to have missed one...I feel terrible, but there are so many people in the palace to keep track of..."

"I can see how an oversight like that could happen. The girl's name is Sotiri...and, if it is agreeable with you, I would like to take her back to Nihon with me when we leave."

"Really? Why?"

"Because I knew another little girl...and I would have killed anyone who touched her without her desire: in fact at that age, I would have thoroughly beaten anyone who touched her even _with_ her desire."

"Your daughter?"

"In a way."

"You don't strike me as the watchful father type."

Fai laughed.

"You're right, that's Kuro-sama's job." Kurogane rolled his eyes and glared at Thendric's speculative look. "But that little one was and is important enough that I would go far out of character in her defence."

"You're a good person, Fai." Kurogane noted the slight widening of the wizard's eyes, the quiet intake of breath. Fai still couldn't seem to believe he was a decent human; though he was in a much better state of mind that he had once been, he still always seemed surprised by others liking him, approving of him. "I'd be happy to send Sotiri home with you, knowing she'll have a good place. Will your own empress mind?"

"I certainly don't think so. Even if she does, Tomoyo-hime can convince her otherwise, I'm sure."

"Well then. I'll see to it that Sotiri is no longer sent to the guests, and when you leave, she will go with you."

"Wonderful! Now, I suppose technically we're supposed to be negotiating an alliance between Nihon and Karthan, so shall we get down to business?

**.........**

_Moonlight. He opened his eyes and started when he found himself looking straight up into eyes as blue as the sky in the bright daylight which would come again in only a few hours. _

"_Is this your true desire?"_

_The voice was familiar, yet he could not place whose it was._

"_No."_

_Moonlight. He opened his mouth and sighed at the press of soft lips against his, a strange prickling pain on his bottom lip as something sharp brushed it._

"_Is this your true desire?"_

"_I...I don't know."_

_Moonlight. He opened his hands and settled them gently around the sides of a head, feeling wisps of soft hair slide between his fingers._

"_Is this your true desire?"_

"_Yes. No! I...I do not know."_

_Moonlight. He opened his eyes and took in the figure standing at the end of the bed. Those cerulean eyes, that pale blonde hair, softly curved lips and...and...he gasped._

"_Is _this _your true desire?"_

"_Yes."_

**.........**

_Snow. He closed his eyes and nestled back against warmth and comfort._

"_Is this your true desire?"_

_He smiled at the voice._

"_Yes...and...no."_

_Snow. He closed his mouth around the tip of an ear and nearly giggled at the half-snarl, half-moan he earned for it._

"_Is this your true desire?"_

"_Yes...and...no."_

_Snow. He closed his hands over broad shoulders and leaned against a strong chest, listening to a heartbeat, warm within the rustling heat of a black cloak._

"_Is this your true desire?"_

"_Yes...and...no."_

_Snow. He closed his eyes and focused on the feeling of himself, concentrated on who and what he was. Familiar, familiar, familiar, and...he gasped._

"_Is _this _your true desire?"_

"_I...I...Yes. Yes, I think it is."_


	9. Guilt

Kurogane woke to a high-pitched shriek from the other suite. For once, he welcomed the insanity; it was a distraction, an excuse not to face thoughts about what he'd dreamt last night.

Stumbling sleepily across the center room and into Fai's suite, he grumpily called out.

"What now, idiot?"

"Kuro-sama, the world's gone mad!"

The wizard's voice was different, though he couldn't quite pinpoint how...what game was he playing this early in the morning? Freak.

"The world...all the worlds...went mad the moment you were born, wizard."

Still a little bleary, he poked his head through the open door of the bathing chamber. Fai spun around from where he was standing facing the mirror and Kurogane got an eyeful of a naked, alluring, and very much _female _body.

If ever in his life Kurogane had felt like screaming like a little girl, it was that moment. Instead, he threw his hand over his eyes and cursed a blue streak out of pure shock. When he finally wound down, he heard Fai laughing. When he spoke, his voice was not entirely different, but definitely more feminine...and even more pretty sounding than before.

"You can look now, Kuro-perv. Sorry about that, I was so surprised I forgot I had the door open."

He pried his hand away from his face nervously and watched Fai fastening a yukata around his..._her_...now more softly curved hips, small but definitely real breasts tenting out the cloth at _her_ chest.

"What the hell?! You doing some idiot experiment with your magic?"

"Nope! I didn't do anything!"

"Then why are you so damn cheerful?! You turned into a _woman_!"

"I can see how that would be a problem if it happened to _you_, Kuro-manly. That would give you an identity crisis and insecurity and smoosh your poor little masculine ego." Kurogane just about bristled like a ticked off cat. "For me, though, this is an adventure! I don't really care what my gender is, I'm just me...but getting to experience life both ways will be interesting."

"Damn, you're weird."

"Haven't we already established that?"

"I hope this doesn't make the empress angry..."

Suddenly, Kurogane stiffened. The voice in his dream...the empress!

_He opened his eyes and took in the figure standing at the end of the bed. Those cerulean eyes, that pale blonde hair, softly curved lips and...and...he gasped. A beautiful female body...his best friend, his constant companion, his fighting partner, his drinking buddy, the one he loved most in the world; now in a form which he could also desire wholeheartedly. _

"_Is _this _your true desire?" _

"_Yes."_

"Kuro-creep, are you off in a reverie about my beautiful new body?"

Ignoring Fai's teasing, he turned away.

"I'm going to get dressed."

As he walked back to his room, a terrible fear and guilt churned in his stomach. The empress had so much power...had...had she come into his dreams, forced from him a wish he had not even been aware of having, and granted it? Why though? Why would she do that? And...how could he face Fai, knowing what he'd done to him? Sure, right now the mage seemed just about delighted by the situation...but surely in a few hours or days, he would hate it. How selfish...how utterly selfish a wish, even in sub-consciousness. To wish to change someone so hugely...especially someone he cared about so much, no matter how much he denied it. Shouldn't he have been willing to accept Fai as he was? But then...he _had _accepted Fai as he was...he just hadn't wanted it to go beyond friendship...was that so bad?

Still...to change his best friend this way...what sort of horrible person was he?


	10. Joy

Fai woke up early, wandered into the bathroom, and, half-asleep and yawning, not looking around him, dropped his sleeping robe. He went to step into the wonderful bath thing which was always piping hot; whether by magic or nature, he didn't know. As he stepped towards it, however, he caught his reflection in the full-length mirror out of the corner of his eye. Suddenly he was wide awake, gaping at his reflection, down the length of his body, and back.

He shrieked before he even realized he was going to. Not fear or horror or anything so negative...just surprise.

He...or rather she...stood staring at herself in the mirror in amazement and...delight.

His dream had come true...literally.

_He closed his eyes and focused on the feeling of himself, concentrated on who and what he was. Familiar, familiar, familiar, and...he gasped. Not familiar. Different. His hands skimmed curiously over his body, registering new curves and dips and absences. A female body. It felt like...like the right thing._

"_Is _this _your true desire?"_

"_I...I...Yes. Yes, I think it is."_

Had the empress granted the wish she had encouraged him to acknowledge? Why?

"What now, idiot?"

"Kuro-sama, the world's gone mad!"

_Gloriously mad._

His voice sounded softer, more feminine, and pretty darned pretty, even if he said so him...er, _her_self.

She and Kurogane both got a shock when she turned and remembered suddenly that she was naked. It gave her an insane urge to laugh like a little kid being tickled.

_An auspicious new beginning indeed._

When Kurogane gruffly left, looking troubled, she was puzzled. What was wrong? Kurogane hadn't been interested in her male form: perhaps in her character, in the _soul _where gender was irrelevant, but not in the male body. So losing that body was unlikely to upset Kurogane. Perhaps the ninja was worried that a female would not be so good at fighting, or drinking, or any of those things they'd done together so well as males?

_Well, sexist Kuro-sama, I'll teach you a woman can fight and get drunk just as well as a man._

Truthfully, though he had always been attracted to men, he hadn't been all that attracted to men _as _a man. His physical relationship with Ashura had been a best uncomfortable and at worst miserable. He couldn't seem to get used to it or take much pleasure in it. Perhaps this was partially due to his feelings of guilt at essentially selling himself in exchange for security, and perhaps partially because Ashura was often a bit rough; but whatever the case he didn't often physically enjoy the act. He often felt as if he should have been born a woman. After Syaoran had revealed how he had turned back time, and said that Yuui may not have even been born a twin if he had not, he had begun to wonder if, in that original form, before the warping of time, he had been born a girl. And if, when the time warped and changed, some part of him clung to that original existence. So, as far as he was concerned, this change was a definite improvement.

_Now if only silly Kuro-sama would stop being a spoil-sport and share in the enjoyment. _


	11. Uncertainty

"Medini...why did you decide to grant me this? How did you even know...?"

They were walking in the gardens, Thendric trailing along behind, and no sign of Kurogane, who was presumably still sulking in his room.

"My power is immense, you know that. I read your soul. I'm sorry, that must seem very invasive...but unfortunately, my power is both enormous and unstable; I often cannot control it entirely. I saw your heart; your love for the ninja, your worry over his lack of attraction for males, your own confusion over loving and wanting him but not wanting him in your male form...After the way you talked about Sotiri and the girl you call your daughter...after I saw the sadness in your soul, I found myself longing for your happiness, seeing as you are so dedicated to the happiness of others...and, since it is within my power to do many things, I chose to do this. I can reverse the change if you desire it; but your dream-self did not lie, so I believe to wish this gone would be to deny your heart."

"I don't wish it gone. Not at all. I'm delighted, actually...but...I'm worried that Kuro-sama is upset."

"He's probably just surprised. Give him time to adjust."

**.........**

He gritted his teeth hard. How could he confront the woman without causing a diplomatic disaster? He was furious, but even in the midst of rage; Nihon, Tomoyo...they mattered more.

He approached her throne with clenched fists and forced civility.

"Your highness?"

"Ah, Kurogane-sama. Nice to see you. Where has your much changed companion gone off to?"

"He's having lunch with Sotiri in the garden. May I speak freely?"

"Please, go ahead. But don't you mean _she_'s having lunch with Sotiri in the garden?"

"Fai is Fai."

"Exactly, which is why Fai's new body should not trouble you."

"Listen, lady. It's a pain trying to be polite to you. You've hardly been polite to us. Polite people don't sift through other people's dreams, or force them to wish things, or change a person's whole life just because another person accidentally wished for it!"

"Should you not be pleased that your desire has been granted?"

"Look, Fai is his own person. He can make his own damn wishes. I don't want to be responsible for changing his entire life in a way he may not want. He may think this is a fun novelty right now, but when he starts to hate it, I'll have to live with knowing it's my fault...and yours. It's not your place to grant a person's private wishes, unless they ask you to!"

"I'm sorry, Kurogane-sama." The self-satisfied look on her face and the glint in her eyes denied her words and infuriated him more. "But it was a wish you never would have acknowledged otherwise. I have forced you to face yourself...and in the end, that's not a bad thing."

"It is if it's at Fai's expense!"

He stormed away before she could say another word. Thendric, coming to stand at her side, sighed heavily.

"Majesty, couldn't you simply tell them both that they wished for the same thing, that this hope was mutual?"

"Tut tut, Thendric. It's none of my business...they need to learn to communicate their feelings to each other and not assume things about the other."

Thendric fell silent, but inwardly rolled his eyes.

_So, you can throw their lives into chaos and then declare that helping them sort it out is none of your business. Absurd woman. _

Still, he couldn't help but feel a rush of affection for her, and he touched her shoulder gently. She smiled back at him reassuringly.

"They'll be fine, my friend."


	12. Understanding

It had been one week since the change. The mood in their rooms had become decidedly different, tense. Kurogane was angry and guilty, and Fai insisted on acting like everything was damn peachy.

Tonight Fai and Sotiri were playing some sort of card game in the center room while Kurogane sat on the porch listening to them laugh, sulking. This behaviour was far beneath him...but he was upset, and he couldn't seem to pull himself out of it. Not to mention he was being driven to distraction by Fai running around their rooms half dressed at all times of the day and night. Fai's female curves were decidedly on the small side, and Kurogane usually preferred a fuller figured woman...but just knowing that it was Fai; Fai within the female gender, within the boundaries of what he found attractive, was enough to make him want to grab the blonde and kiss her senseless...and maybe do more than just that.

Kuro-pout..." He started, Fai had somehow managed to sneak up right behind him and breathe the ridiculous nickname in his ear; probably using magic, since Kurogane, being a ninja, had excellent senses. "...Sotiri's gone for the night. Shall we get drunk?"

He crossed his arms and glared as the blonde sat cross-legged in front of him, holding up two glasses and a bottle.

"You shouldn't drink."

"Why not? I'm not pregnant. Unless you know something I don't? Maybe I'd better start locking my door while I sleep, ne?"

Kurogane coughed and blushed. Fai snickered evilly and filled a glass. She took a sip, peering at Kurogane over the rim of the glass, her eyes filled with promise and seduction. Kurogane looked restlessly away. Fai handed him a glass and he took it without thinking, drinking more deeply than Fai did. Fai's goal was to flirt; Kurogane's was just to get drunk. Suddenly he noticed that Fai was filling a clean empty glass and realized Fai had given him the one she'd already drunk out of. He glared at the wizard...or should he call her a witch now? Fai just batted her lashes in obviously false innocence and snickered again.

"I don't understand why you're so upset about this, Kurogane. It's silly of you, really. I keep telling you, I'm fine with it. I'm not lying, you should know that. You're the one who always spots it when I'm lying. So stop messing up my fun! I'd be enjoying this if it wasn't for you being so grouchy about it."

"You'll get sick of it quickly. This may seem new and interesting to you, but it's not your true desire."

Fai was silent for a long moment. She poured herself another glass of wine and tilted her head back, studying the stars above them. Finally, she spoke quietly.

"Actually, it was."

"What?"

"It _was_ my true desire. Empress Medini spoke to me in a dream. She showed me things, scenes, and asked if I desired them. I did...but not as I was. Finally, she showed me this form, and asked if I desired it, and I decided I did. So she granted my wish."

Kurogane sat up straight, set down his glass, and leaned forward slightly, locking his eyes with Fai's.

"What were the scenes of?"

"Don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answers to, Kuro-sama."

"I want to know the answer. Tell me."

"I dreamt of you holding me, mostly. I suppose I dreamt of us being lovers...it was a bit vague, though I understood as it was happening. It was always snowing, in the scenes."

Kurogane relaxed suddenly. So...in the end, it wasn't what he'd thought. They had borne the same desire, the same wish. And even if the empress was a mean witch for having not told him that, maybe she wasn't as bad as he'd thought.

"In my dream, it was always moonlight."

Fai's gaze jerked from the stars to Kurogane with a jolt.

"You dreamt too?"

"Yeah...the same thing, basically. And in the end...I said that I wanted...this. So...when it happened...I..."

"You felt guilty, thought you'd caused this against my will?"

He nodded once, curtly, not liking to admit to feelings like guilt and anxiety.

"Oh, Kuro-sama, my silly ninja!" Fai set aside her glass and settled a hand on the floor on each side of Kurogane, leaning upwards towards his face. "I wanted to be with you, as a woman. You didn't make this happen or force it upon me. It was my wish."

Six years of hidden wishes and denied desires, six years of waiting, just to taste mint and wine on another's tongue.

How was it, that though such flavours were so very common, tasting them here made all the waiting worth it? It was so surreal, so impossible, so dreamlike. A fang nicked his lip and he felt a drop of blood well up, but before he could lick it away Fai did, then the blonde slid down further, brushing her lips along his neck, making him sigh.

"_Kurogane_."

A breathy whisper...and then fangs sank into his neck. He gasped, shocked by the sheer pleasure of it. The feedings from his wrist had always been mildly exciting, but this was on a whole new level.

He tipped his head back, granting Fai better access, and suddenly, without him understanding how it happened, he felt his back touch the wood of the porch, and Fai came down atop him, licking and biting, making him shiver uncontrollably with each touch. He stared up at the stars and breathed cool air, ran his fingers through soft hair.

He was torn between wanting to flip them over and make love to Fai for the next several _days _and just wanting to stay like this, to enjoy this new closeness without becoming lost in passion. Fai licked the last drops of blood from his neck and then nestled her head under his chin, snuggling against him. Deciding to simply enjoy this for the time being, he wrapped his arms around her and allowed himself to smile, knowing she could not see his face from where she lay.

**.........**

He woke up with his back sore and his flesh arm asleep. Fai was sleeping on top of him, and on top of his arm, which explained its current state. The porch was hard and uncomfortable, and he sat up, rubbing his back and eyeing the sky, deciding it was still probably some four hours until daybreak. Pushed off him by his movement, Fai opened one eye and pouted.

"Lay back down, you're a comfy pillow."

"Well the porch isn't. C'mon, let's go inside."

"Can I sleep with you?"

"Whatever. I don't care where you go, I just want to go back to sleep."

Fai bounced through the center room, into Kurogane's, and took a flying leap onto the bed.

"Yay, I get to sleep with Kuro-sama!"

"How can you be so energetic when you're supposed to be half asleep? Shut up and calm down or I'll kick you out."

"Aww, Kuro-puu, you shouldn't talk to a woman like that."

"Whatever. You're still an idiot. Now you're just an idiot with breasts."

He reached the side of the bed and was about to lie down, but suddenly Fai was there, right in his face, grinning like the cat that got the canary.

"That's not all I have now."

He blinked, then blushed and glared to hide it.

"Shut up. Move over and go to sleep."

He was nearly asleep when he felt Fai curl up against his back and intertwine her legs with his. It was a nice feeling, having someone so close. Despite how annoying the blonde could be...he found himself smiling again.


	13. Blood

"Kuuuurroooogaaaaneee!"

It was something between an anguished wail and a hysterical laugh. Kurogane sighed irritably, standing from where he'd been sitting on a stone bench drinking, and wandering back through the garden and into their rooms.

"What now?!"

Fai ran out of her room, pale but laughing, and yet seeming uncertain and anxious.

"I'm _bleeding_, Kuro-sama!"

Kurogane quickly scanned Fai's person and saw nothing out of the ordinary...then it hit him what exactly Fai meant, and he wondered whether he was blushing or paling. 

"You...I...what...Why are you telling _me _this?!"

"It's weird, Kuro-sama! Who else am I supposed to talk to about it?"

"Sotiri, the empress, another _woman_! _I _don't want to know!"

"Kuro-puu is blushing!" Fai ran her fingers nervously through her hair and eyed Kurogane. "I hadn't thought about this part..."

"Do you regret it now?"

He barely finished his sentence before Fai pressed her mouth against his. Completely forgetting what he'd just been worrying about, he wrapped his real arm around her waist, curled his mechanical hand around the back of her neck, and delved into her mouth eagerly. He was suddenly cognizant of the fact that it had been a _long _time since he'd been in a physical relationship...and just the thought was enough to bring intense need boiling up inside him. The last time he'd been with anyone had been two years ago, during a visit to Nihon, a quick and meaningless assignation with Souma in a dark hallway one night, for old times' sake if nothing else. Torn internally between desire and the still strange feeling of this whole situation, he wondered how long it had been for Fai. Had Ashura been the last person to...?

Fai pulled back and grinned up at him.

"Does that answer the question?"

He struggled to remember what the question had been. Failing, he reached out and pulled Fai back to him.

It was several long, impassioned minutes before Fai pulled away. Her hair was ruffled and her lips were swollen and she was smiling.

"Nyaa," Fai leaned up and began lapping at Kurogane's lips lightly, making the ninja tense slightly at the unfamiliar and strange seeming caress. "you taste good, Kuro-tan."

"Quit that, idiot." He yelped when Fai suddenly nipped his bottom lip, rather hard. "What was that for?!"

Fai licked the spot she'd bitten and then stood on tiptoe to run her tongue around the shell of Kurogane's ear, whispering.

"I think it's about time you start calling me by my name, at least during these moments, ne?"

He crossed his arms over his chest and scowled, which was rather a challenge with Fai now brushing light kisses along his jaw.

"Only if you'll do the same."

"I thought you don't like me calling you your full name?"

"Only because it used to mean you were angry with me."

He snapped his mouth shut nearly audibly. He hadn't meant to admit to caring whether Fai was angry with him or not. Fai gave a breathy laugh and looked him in the eye.

"Kurogane."

She kissed him again, softly this time. He wondered if this was what a romantic kiss was, this soft brushing of lips, the happiness in Fai's still open eyes. He'd never been in love or anything even close to it. He'd never even bedded a woman until he was eighteen; too involved in his training to care much about the things the other young men talked about. Souma had been his first; a short and unexpected joining that had begun when they were sparring in a field some distance from the castle and he'd come down on top of her just so, and she'd shifted just so, and then there had been nothing but movement; pleasurable but emotionally empty. When it was over their routine returned within seconds; they walked back to the castle glaring at each other and making sarcastic comments about irrelevant things, but from that moment on they sought each other for release when it was necessary. There had been other women, occasionally. And the once, when Tomoyo sent him on a military tour that lasted seven months; and only nineteen at the time and rather lacking in control, he'd found himself in a hurried scuffle of a tryst with another young man his age. Always, his encounters had been selfish, for both parties. Need driven and attachment free.

This, with Fai, was totally different. There was _emotion _here, other than just camaraderie and lust, though those were present too. They were only kissing, and even with only this contact, he couldn't deny the way his heart seemed to swell with unexpected but not entirely unwelcome feelings. If there was already so much emotion in a mere kiss, what would it be like to join with Fai? Would the feelings multiply, or would physical needs drive them back and make the act only selfish?

"What are you thinking?" He blushed despite himself, and Fai snuggled against his chest, laughing softly. "Never mind, you don't have to tell me. I'm just happy Kurogane is thinking perverted thoughts of me."

"I am not!"

"Are so!"

"Am..." He shut himself up before he let Fai draw him too far into the childish arguing game. "Uh...do you...need anything?"

"Need anything?"

"Well...you know...'cause of _that_..."

"Huh? Oh! No, it's fine. I suppose you wouldn't know, but Sakura went through this the first time while we were journeying. She was scared and came to me, since I was the closest thing to a woman around." Kurogane rolled his eyes. "So I helped her figure it out. Though now I'm thinking I didn't really have a clue what she was going through, poor thing. Still, I have at least some idea how to deal with it. I can ask Sotiri if I need anything. So you can stop blushing now, Kuro-shy, I'll try not to traumatize you too much."

"I'm not blushing!"

"Are so!"

"Oh shut it."


	14. Pain

"Hyuu, you look lovely, Sotiri-chan!"

"Do you really think so, Fai-sama?"

The girl spun around, showing off the pretty blue kimono that had been made for her to wear when they arrived in Nihon.

"Of course I do! You look absolutely beautiful. But stop calling me Fai-sama. Just call me Fai, or Fai-san if you must. We're equals, so you don't need to be so formal."

She blinked, still unused to the feeling of being _equal_.

"Fai-san...I..."

Fai hugged her tightly.

"In three days, we'll be getting on the ship to Nihon. A whole new beginning for you, little one."

Kurogane watched them over the bottle as he drank. Fai had certainly jumped happily into the role of mothering Sotiri (who seemed to accept Fai's change of gender with absurd ease). Maybe the blonde had missed this, missed being around kids? Suddenly he found himself wondering if Fai wanted children of his..._her_...own. He had a mental image of Fai pregnant and thought his eye may have twitched. He took a long drink and tossed the thought away before the trauma could become permanent...or before he could start thinking he'd very much like to see Fai carrying his child...He shook his head fiercely and suddenly realized the others were giving him strange looks.

"What are you looking at?!"

Fai rapped him on the head with a book he was holding for some reason.

"Kuro-sama, whatever weird things you're thinking, quit thinking them around poor sweet Sotiri."

"Idiot! What are you doing with that book? And I'm not thinking anything weird!"

"Don't think I can't tell when you're thinking something strange, Kuro-puu. And as for the book, I'm teaching Sotiri good posture."

Kurogane watched with amusement as the wizard carefully balanced the book atop Sotiri's head and began making her walk around, with many a stumble and crash as the book repeatedly fell.

"What's the point of that?"

"Well, she's going to be one of Tomoyo's handmaidens, so she needs to practise walking straight and tall."

"What nonsense are you talking now, witch?"

"Witch? Really, Kuro-tan, you say that so meanly. Don't worry, Tomoyo will accept her right away, if I ask."

Kurogane didn't even argue; he knew perfectly well Fai was right. All of a sudden he remembered that Tomoyo didn't know what had happened to Fai. He cringed. He could just imagine the delight with which the princess would take in the new information. She'd probably make it her life's goal to see them married within a couple of months, knowing her. Privately, Kurogane was not _entirely _opposed to the thought...but he was nowhere near ready to admit that, or seriously contemplate the prospect. He had a feeling he was going to have to go into hiding when they got back to Nihon.

"I don't know why we've had to stay here so long anyway...the Empress signed the treaty on the third day, so what's the point of staying a whole month?"

"It's fun, Kuro-tan, to explore new places. We can tell Syaoran-kun all about it next time we see him, he's just like his father; always likes hearing about different countries."

Kurogane almost groaned. Another thing he'd forgotten about...the kids and the cream puff. How would they react to Fai's new form? Syaoran would probably be surprised but accepting, Sakura would probably be delighted, and the white thing...he nearly shuddered at the thought. The white thing would be worse than Tomoyo, if that was possible.

Suddenly Fai sat down in his lap, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him thoroughly. He responded readily, despite being surprised...until he suddenly remembered that Sotiri was still in the room. Shoving Fai slightly backwards to break the kiss (though the mage clung persistently and stayed on his lap, smirking), Kurogane looked over Fai and saw Sotiri staring at them with a puzzled and slightly shocked expression. Great. Kurogane must have blushed more since Fai changed than he had in all the rest of his life before that.

Fai shifted around to face Sotiri, making Kurogane grit his teeth slightly at the movement. She smiled brightly.

"What's the matter, Sotiri-chan? Have we shocked you?"

The girl tilted her head questioningly.

"Fai-san, you like to kiss Kurogane-san? Why?"

Kurogane wondered if he should be offended by that. Fai snickered quietly, but then sobered and, without removing herself from Kurogane's lap, reached out her hands to the girl, who stepped forward and took them.

"I like to kiss Kurogane because I _like_ Kurogane. Because, among other things, he's my friend, and he's handsome, and it's fun to watch him blush." Kurogane growled slightly and Fai giggled. "I like to kiss him just because I want to. And I'll bet that someday Sotiri-chan will find somebody who she wants to kiss too."

"Do you like it when he takes you too?"

Kurogane nearly choked and he could have sworn that even Fai blushed just slightly.

"We haven't gotten quite that far yet, Sotiri-chan. But I'm sure I'll love it when he does." The ninja spluttered angry denials and shoved Fai forcefully off his lap, making the blonde laugh. Fai sat back down next to Kurogane and pulled the girl into her arms. "You know, little one, the way you've experienced these things isn't the right way. It's not the way it always is. These things can give pleasure too. Someday you'll know for yourself."

Something about the mage's tone and her eyes made Kurogane suspect she was speaking for herself too. He found himself wondering again about the blonde. Had Ashura been the only one Fai had ever been with? And had it truly been as lacking in pleasure as Fai seemed to imply it had been? Had Fai ever even really known pleasure any more than this unfortunate girl had?

"Kuro-sama's thinking weird things again!"

"Idiot! Are you reading my thoughts?"

"Oh-ho, so you're admitting to thinking weird things?"

"Gah! Shut your trap, idiot!"

**.........**

"Poor Sotiri-chan. She doesn't even know what romance is, or what it's like to want someone."

"Do you?"

Fai started slightly, and then thoughtfully stared down at her hands.

"Well...more than she does, at least; though I know better how to give pleasure than how to receive it."

Kurogane tried not to think too hard about that.

"Was..." He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Was Ashura the only one?"

"No. I...well you know how I was...I hated myself above all else. I got into the habit of...Never mind. You don't want to know, Kuro-sama."

"Tell me."

"Don't say I didn't warn you" She hesitated, twining her long fingers together and then untangling them to run them through her hair, which was still worn in the same short tail she'd worn it in as a man. "...I...During our journey...in different worlds...I started seeking out men who...who would hurt me."

A sickening chill washed through Kurogane's blood. He remembered Fai disappearing some nights, coming back with vague excuses of having gone for a walk or gone drinking or shopping. Remembered Fai starting and wincing sometimes when Sakura hugged him, as though his body ached. Remembered long sleeves, gloves, high-necked clothes...had he been hiding marks? Feeling nearly nauseous, he set down the bottle he'd been holding and stared at Fai, who gave a sad little smile.

"Fai..."

"Not anymore, Kurogane. Not for a long time. Not since Infinity."

"But why...?"

"Because, I was convinced I was horrible person, not worthy of living. I killed my own brother for selfish gain, I thought. But I couldn't die...not until I'd done what Fei Wong said and revived Fai. Yet...I could not let myself live without pain...it would be like forgiving myself. For a long time, I had Ashura. He was always kind to me, but he wasn't gentle, in that. Still, he never really hurt me, so I hurt myself. I'd take knives...always little cuts so that he wouldn't notice and be displeased..."

Kurogane grit his teeth, fighting the urge to shout at the mage, feeling as if he must either shout or cry, and determined not to do either.

"When I sealed Ashura and went to the witch...I already knew about you...and I wondered if you would be willing to...to...But the first time I saw you I knew you weren't like that. And...I didn't want you to hate me. So I kept quiet and tried to live without the pain...but whenever I felt happy, I just hated myself more. I needed to hurt, so I wouldn't be too happy, so I wouldn't be more of a horrible person than I already was. And I discovered that it was easy to find men who would hurt me in exchange for what I could do for them."

Kurogane clenched his hands tightly into fists and closed his eyes, fighting back the feeling of fury that had no specific target, except himself; for never knowing, never noticing.

"Fai..."

He hadn't cried since his mother died...and he wouldn't now...but if ever it had been hard to control the tears, since his mother's blood stained the floor and his hands and he was helpless to stop it, it was now. Instead of crying, he kissed Fai, more softly than he'd ever kissed anyone before, determined despite his rough nature to be the opposite of every man before him.

"Kurogane." Fai pulled away slightly and smiled at him. There were tears in her eyes, but the smile was real and happy. "It's okay to be yourself. I don't want to be hurt anymore, haven't for a long time. But there's a big difference between you being yourself, a little rough though you may be, and actually causing pain. I don't mind if you squeeze me a little too hard or something." She hugged him tightly. "And this form is all new...all my scars, from myself and others, they all disappeared when I changed...so this form is a virgin, too. I'm brand new again. It's a whole new beginning, Kurogane. With you."

He pulled her to him tightly, kissed her hard, and, as he had so often encouraged Fai to do, he tried to set aside the past.


	15. Want

"Those idiots! Why don't they put you in a room with Sotiri?"

"She's used to being a servant, at best; property at worst. No matter how much I tell her that's not the case anymore, she doesn't feel comfortable sleeping anywhere but with the servants. Normally I'd insist she stay with me so the sailors don't harass her, but there're several maids and a respectable old housekeeper sharing rooms with her, servants of the other passengers; they'll all stick together and be fine. As long as she's not in danger I want her to be where she's most at ease."

"What about where _I'm _most at ease? I don't wanna share a room with you! Not the way you are now..."

"Kuro-liar, what you mean to say is that you want to share a room with me too much, and you're afraid of losing control and ravishing me utterly." Kurogane snarled. "Eek, Kuro-wolf is going to eat me!"

He watched as the blonde sprinted across the room and jumped onto..._the _bed.

"What the hell?! What happened to bunks? Why's there only one bed?"

"This is a different ship...I'm not sure why they gave us this room though...maybe Medini's behind it?"

"That witch! She must be related to that other witch!"

"Aww, Kuro-tan, she's just trying to make us happy, even if she is a bit of a meddler."

"A _bit_?! It's none of her damn business!"

"Alright, so she's a lot of a meddler. Still, we slept together in the palace, so what's the problem?"

"Only one night! And there was always your room to kick you back to if you got annoying!"

"You could always sleep on the floor, if it bothers you that much. You may roll around a lot as the ship moves, though. The bed's bolted down."

"Why should I have to be the one to sleep on the floor?"

"Because, Kuro-sama, a gentleman never makes a lady sleep on the floor. Not if he doesn't want his princess to hear about it, anyway."

Kurogane sighed irritably and threw his bag of belongings rather roughly into a corner.

"Fine. We'll share the bed. But stay on your side, idiot."

It was already late; the farewell ceremonies had been absurdly long and annoying, and they'd set sail in late evening. Kurogane was tired, though happy to be beginning the journey home, and he really wasn't in any mood to put up with Fai pulling any tricks. He sat down on the bed and glared at the mage, who grinned back in a way that was far from innocent.

He lay down, back to Fai, blew out the candle in the bolted down glass lantern beside the bed, closed his eyes...and concentrated all of his senses on Fai, waiting for whatever inevitable prank the blonde would play. He was surprised when, instead, Fai wrapped her arms (which he'd noticed were not quite so long or gangly as they had been before the change) around his neck and cuddled against his back, making a happy little noise that he grudgingly admitted to himself was a little cute. Or a lot cute. But if he had to privately admit to any cuteness at all, he'd rather stick to the bare minimum.

Just when he was starting to relax and think maybe she'd leave him alone after all, she shifted slowly up and touched her lips to his neck, beneath his ear. Her lips brushed, feather light, upwards until she was speaking directly in his ear.

"Kuro-sama?"

It was a hushed, seductive whisper. He sighed irritably and shifted away from her.

"What?"

She followed after him, and now he had nowhere else to move except off the bed; and really he was far too comfortable to leave the bed unless she got _really _annoying. Knowing Fai, this was only the beginning, and he'd probably end up sleeping with the crew.

She snuggled against his back again without finishing whatever she'd started saying. He yawned and tried to stay alert, now not for a second believing that she was going to go to sleep and leave him alone. Still, he was worn out; and though once upon a time he could have stayed up all night even after a tiring day if it was necessary to be so on guard, he'd grown used to having Fai with him; and between the two of them it was usually fine to sleep peacefully; one of them was sure to wake up if some threat arose. At the moment, however, since Fai _was _the threat, sleeping probably wasn't the best idea. Yet he found himself dozing off.

A quiet giggle was all the warning he got, before surprisingly strong hands reached around and shoved at his shoulder. Not entirely alert, he rolled onto his back without resistance...then suddenly came wide awake and regretted it when Fai straddled him, pressing her open mouth against his. Some nagging voice at the back of his mind reminded him that he was supposed to be angry about this...but...he ran his tongue along her teeth, letting a fang nick him, sucking in a gasping breath when her tongue pressed to his and she licked away the blood.

He couldn't see her; there was no light in the cabin at all, heavy blinds drawn down over the several small, round windows. In darkness, his other senses were at their best. He could smell his own blood on her breath, taste it on their mingling tongues. Her hair between his fingers was soft and silky, like the sheets Tomoyo used to have put on his bed if he'd been behaving especially well growing up...not that he'd ever admitted how much he appreciated it. Suddenly Fai tugged his hair; not hard enough to hurt much, only enough to get his attention. He started and accidently bit Fai's lip as he jerked away, making the blonde whine.

"What was that for, idiot?"

He could hear the pout in Fai's voice as she tugged his hair again.

"You were thinking about Tomoyo right now, weren't you? I don't like it. So don't do it."

"How did you...?!"

"I just know. When I'm this close to you...It's hard to explain...It's like hearing little bits of a conversation, but not the whole thing. I can tell what you're thinking about more clearly than I can normally...but I still don't know the whole of it." She wriggled down his body a little, making him grit his teeth and hiss. Her fangs skimmed up his neck, lightly, the sensation bringing him an uncontrollable shiver. "I don't want you thinking about Tomoyo when I'm kissing you."

He settled his hands at her waist and rolled them over, taking both her wrists in one hand and pinning them to the bed above her head while he poked her shoulder accusingly with the forefinger of his free hand, amused.

"You're _jealous _of _Tomoyo_?!" Sullen silence. Partly annoyed and partly amused, he touched his tongue to the hollow of her throat and ground down against her, letting her feel how she affected him. She gasped, and he smirked in the darkness, whispering heatedly against her ear. "Do you really think that I'm thinking of her right now?"

She squirmed beneath him until she managed to get her hands free, and her fingers threaded through his short hair. He felt her breath against his lips as she whispered.

"_Mine._"

Her mouth pressed against his again, wildly. Had any other woman ever claimed him so plainly, he would have been out of her bed and miles away before she could blink. But Fai was always an exception, always redefining the list of things he wanted. It occurred to him that, at this moment, he wouldn't have given a damn if Fai was still a man, and he didn't give a damn that Fai was a woman. Fai was Fai.

Everything he'd never wanted.

Everything he wanted.

**.........**

Kurogane opened one eye and found Fai hovering above him on her hands and knees, grinning at him in a way that made him think she was just short of laughing out loud at his expense. Light was streaming in the windows, and he blinked dazedly, trying to remember what had happened between his last memory and the present time.

"Ne, Kuro-sama, do you always fall asleep before you even get to the good part?"

He rubbed sleep from his eyes and glared at her. The last thing he could remember was kissing Fai, with full intent to go further...and then nothing else.

"It's your fault for trying to seduce me when I was exhausted and trying to sleep anyway."

She laughed and kissed him lightly.

"Well I can forgive that; but you fell asleep on top of me, and you're heavy! What a way to treat a lady!"

"Ladies don't try to seduce ninjas who just want to sleep."

"Oh, now you're insulting my honour. I guess that means last night is the most you'll get unless you make an honest woman of me."

Kurogane winced. Fai was smirking triumphantly.

He was going to have to learn to keep his mouth shut.


	16. Trust

**AN: To whoever left this review anonymously (though I suppose you're probably not reading anymore) **

**"**_aww dang. you're a pretty good writer and I was really enjoying this up to this chapter. I don't care for stories where two people who love each other can only be together if it's a guy and a girl- especially since Fay is fine the way he is and I'm sure he's perfectly content being male. But whatever. To each his own and all that. Just seems like such a waste of great talent. :( ... oh well. take care._**" **

**I understand your feelings...but please note that I did say, in the AN at the very beginning of this story, that this would be a gender-switch story. I've written stories in which Fai is male and perfectly content that way, though they're not **_**completely **_**KuroFai stories (close): this time I'm just doing something different. I'm happy to have your opinion...but it's a tad annoying to be critiqued on something I made plain I would be doing at the start...**

**Anyway, thanks for reviewing, and thanks to all the other reviewers too! XD XD XD. I'm always happy to hear from you, even if you don't like it, as long as it's not pointless flaming, lol. **

Upon seeing Fai's new form, Tomoyo smiled excitedly; but there was no surprise, no shock, no sign whatsoever that she had not known what was coming. Kurogane watched her suspiciously. She wasn't supposed to have her dreamer's power anymore, but sometimes it decidedly seemed like she did. Souma, on the other hand, looked suitably dumbfounded, gaping at Fai like she'd just had a close encounter with a flying, mooing elephant. Amaterasu-sama just eyed the scene calmly; she rarely seemed surprised or excited by anything.

"Fai, you look beautiful!" Tomoyo was beaming. "I'm going to have a whole new wardrobe made for you right away!" Her kind and yet mischievous eyes swung to Kurogane, and that sweet smile carried far too much plotting for his liking. "Perhaps it will be a wedding gift!"

The ninja chose not to take the bait by yelling, just shrugged and rolled his eyes. Let the princess think what she would, the worst she could do was order them to marry, in which case he was sworn to obey her and arguing would do no good anyway, and she wasn't likely to do that except in teasing, so getting angry seemed a little pointless.

Fai was wearing a soft purple kimono with gold flowers embroidered all over the sleeves in intricate patterns. Kurogane wondered vaguely where Tomoyo even got the funds for her own wardrobe, let alone Fai's...he hoped it wasn't from taxes, though the people were so besotted with their princess that they probably wouldn't have minded anyway. The wizard's shoulder length hair had been put into two braids and clipped up around her head, fastened with jewel-studded hairpins. It was interesting to see her in something besides shades of blue, and he thought that purple suited her well. Naturally, she wouldn't be hearing his opinion on her clothing anytime soon: all compliments were kept internal. Though more and more these days he suspected Fai of reading his mind completely, much to his annoyance. He noted that Fai rather efficiently brushed off the topic of weddings with a smile and a change of subject.

"Thank you, Tomoyo-chan. Oh, I have something to ask you!"

"What is it?"

"We brought home a stray kitten, princess. Her name is Sotiri, she's sixteen years old and we've sort of adopted her...but since we'll be gone often, do you think you could take her under your wing? I'd be infinitely grateful if you could take her on as one of your handmaidens."

The empress smiled, a hint of her younger sister's mischievous nature peeking out from behind her dignity.

"Really, Fai-san, do you intend to bring back lost children from every ambassadorial excursion? Perhaps I should have an extra wing added to the palace for them all?"

Fai smiled, but then her expression became slightly sad.

"If I could help every child who needed it, you would need a whole new palace, milady. As it is, I can only help those who cross my path unexpected."

Tomoyo hugged Fai warmly. Kurogane noted idly that the maids constantly flittering around the throne dais had mixed reactions to Fai's new form. Several looked heartbroken, one or two looked indifferent, and several more appeared to be almost visibly adjusting their gender preferences.

"Of course I'll take care of the girl, Fai. No need to worry, she'll have everything she needs and more."

"Good. Thank you, Tomoyo-chan. She's sleeping in my room right now...she seems exhausted from our journey. I'll introduce you to her tonight, is that alright?"

"That's wonderful. For now, you and Kurogane can go rest as well...oh, but if the girl is in your bed, wherever will you go?"

Fai and Tomoyo shared matching evil grins, Kurogane sighed, Souma blushed, and the maids who had refused to let their infatuation with Fai be swayed by her change of gender all glared at Kurogane.

"I'm sure I'll find somewhere or other to snuggle down for a nap, Tomoyo-chan. Don't worry about me!"

The princess laughed happily.

**......................................................................**

"What are you doing, Kuro-sama?"

Kurogane examined the connection joints of his mechanical arm and barely glanced up at Fai.

"It was chafing again, in one place. It rusted a bit."

"Do you want help?"

He considered the offer. Piffle's Tomoyo had said that, what with its regenerative qualities, the arm would need little maintenance: to tend rust, all he had to do was pour a small amount of oil into a tiny container on the inside, and it would distribute itself. However, even such a simple task was made somewhat complicated by having to take the arm off to work; and therefore having only one arm to work with. Finally, he shrugged.

"Fine."

Fai settled down next to him and he guided her through the process of oiling the arm. As her fingers moved, he noticed something, a small cut on the side of her wrist. A strange cold fear churned in his stomach, as he remembered how Fai had spoken of hurting herself...or rather, himself, in those days...as a form of self-punishment for the sins he had believed himself guilty of. He grabbed her wrist, quickly, before she could realize his intentions and try to hide the mark.

"What's this?"

Instantly, she smiled at him, honestly and knowingly.

"Not what you think, Kuro-sama. Yesterday, when we were still on the ship, I was in the kitchen making myself a snack, the ship rocked a little harder than normal and I accidently cut myself. That's all there is to it, honestly."

He studied her eyes, searching for a lie where she claimed there was none.

"Fai..."

"Kurogane, you always said that my past didn't matter, that I should move on from it. But...how can I do that if _you_ keep holding on to it, keep distrusting me because of the lies I told in the past? I know...I know it's hard to believe me sometimes...but I haven't lied to you about anything more serious than where I was hiding your birthday presents for years now. There may be things I don't tell you about, but I don't tell you lies either. So...can you please try to trust me a little more? I didn't hurt myself on purpose."

He considered her words, feeling a little bit sheepish; because it was all too true that he'd been a bit hypocritical, telling her that the past didn't matter but then not moving forward from it himself. He didn't have any fondness for admitting mistakes, but he wasn't so pigheaded as to refuse to do so when it was important. Still, he spoke gruffly, out of awkwardness more than anger or anything like that.

"Fine. I'll try to trust you more from now on. Don't make me regret it."

She kissed him, quickly and lightly, smiling against his lips.

"I won't, Kuro-sama." There was a warmth and a softness in her eyes that made him both happy and inexplicably nervous. Suddenly she clapped her hands, and the look was gone, replaced with familiar mischief. "So, Kuro-puppy, what about that rest we're supposed to be having? Feeding helped, but I still didn't feel great on the ship, and I want to sleep on a surface that's not moving again."

He shrugged, reattaching his arm and flexing the fingers to be certain it was in working order.

"We may as well sleep, we have a few hours until we're supposed to report back to the empress." He lay down on his side on the futon, motioning Fai towards him with a sullen look. "I suppose you won't sleep anywhere but here?"

She shook her head, grinning hugely. She discarded her elaborate kimono with an ease which denied how short a time she had been wearing Nihon's garments and crawled into his bed in the under robe.

"I like sleeping with Kuro-sama! And besides, Sotiri's in my bed, remember? It wouldn't be appropriate for me to sleep with her."

He snorted.

"As if it's appropriate for you to sleep with me! There'll be a scandal, probably."

"Who cares? Tomoyo-chan doesn't mind, and if the royalty doesn't mind, we don't have to worry about the subjects!"

"Hn." They lay in silence for a while, resting without sleeping, enjoying the quiet and the stillness after so long on a constantly moving ship echoing with the seemingly just as constant shouts of sailors. After a time, Kurogane spoke, voicing a question that had been flitting around his head for a while. "Oi, mage?" Fai smiled at the address, so reminiscent of older days. "When was the last time you were..." Kurogane coughed awkwardly. "...with someone? Was it in Infinity?"

Fai, who'd been facing away from him, rolled onto her stomach and looked at him with laughing eyes.

"Of course not, Kuro-sama. After all, I am...or rather I _was _a man. After Infinity, I stopped seeking pain. But I wasn't celibate. That's not to say I was promiscuous...though in Infinity, I was. That was the worst time. But after that, there were a few scattered encounters. Three or four in all, I think, spread over the years. Remember that gun-toting fellow in Jade Country who was so eager to kick us out or kill us? Well, in Piffle, when we were there again, his alternate self liked me a lot more. Then there were two pretty young women, in two separate worlds...I can't remember their names. So, Kuro-sama, what about you?"

"Hn. In Shura, there were those camp follower women...I mostly avoided them because they're a great way to catch any number of unpleasant diseases. But once or twice, I went to them. And that's your fault; even if I prefer women, sharing a tent with you for six months was damned troublesome." Fai grinned, remembering what fun (s)he'd had tormenting poor frustrated Kuro-sama. "There were a couple of women in Infinity. We were pretty popular in the Chess tournaments...a lot of women were always flocking around. That world was a bad place for all of us...one of those b-tch-s stole my wallet. And then there was Souma, a couple of times when we were here. The last time was that once when we were here two years ago. And there hasn't been anyone else since."

"We've both been going without for a pretty long time then, haven't we? That's so romantic!"

Kurogane raised one eyebrow and scoffed quietly.

"What on earth are you babbling about now, mage?"

Those smiling blue eyes held nothing good, brimming over with pranks and play.

"Who knows?"

He grunted irritably and rolled away from her, ignoring her giggles as he drifted into sleep.

**AN: Just in case any of you are reading this story without having read Anew, a note on Kurogane's arm. In Anew, I screwed up and forgot that he apparently discarded his ruined artificial arm during the final battle. I forgot/didn't realize that, and kept the arm in. Someone let me know, but I didn't get rid of it, instead I made up the idea that the arm is a kind of advanced technology that repairs itself. The group went back to Piffle and had the arm adjusted, and had a skin put on, matched to Kurogane's skin tone so that at this point, you can barely tell that it's artificial. **

**This chapter was changed somewhat...the original said Fai'd slept with Souma as well, but at least one person really didn't like it, so, though I left in the part about her having slept with Kurogane, I took out the thing with Fai, since it was pointless. I meant it to be just a pointless little blip but apparently it really stood out as stupid. :s Sorry about that. Oh well, it's gone now. On we go, then...**


	17. War

**AN: Watch out, it's a time skip! XD Thanks again to all the readers and reviewers so far! Just a reminder, all the countries around Nihon, and their names, and the names of the people therein, are pretty much completely pulled from my mind: they`re not based on the real Japan and its neighbours, obviously...I`m taking artistic licence with Kurogane`s whole world, lol. Also, the pronoun change (she/he) will keep you aware of which form Fai takes at that time. It's not an accident or anything (unless I stuck a "he" in a part where Fai's obviously a "she")...otherwise, I use "he" when Fai's in male form, and "she" when Fai's in female form. **

Fai was wearing some strange garment she'd picked up on one of their excursions into the neighbouring countries. It consisted of a bright red, light skirt that normally hung down plainly but swayed out all around her when she spun; a body fitting top of the same bright color; and ridiculously long, wide, gold coloured sleeves that swung out nearly as wide as the skirt with her movements. She had a tambourine, and gold jewellery adorned her neck, wrists, and ankles. The pale braid halfway down her back was tied with a simple red ribbon. She was dancing in the center of the clearing, spinning and swaying and laughing as she shook and tapped the instrument she held in time with the music of the several soldiers who had formed an impromptu and somewhat drunken band.

Kurogane watched her, amused. He'd long since ceased to be worried about or embarrassed by her strange behaviour: the soldiers loved it, loved her.

It had been a year since they'd stopped journeying with Syaoran. Three months ago, war had begun with Tifar, a country across the sea to the east. Kurogane had been given a post as commander of a regiment, and where he went, Fai went. Both Kurogane and his men had been hesitant to bring a woman into war; but Fai had demonstrated her unique talent for turning herself into a man, for at least several hours at a time, though she did not have enough magic power as of yet to actually permanently change her gender back to male, not that she seemed to want to.

Fai had quickly become the favourite of all the regiment, both adored mascot and respected comrade, unsurprisingly; what soldier didn't want a male fighting companion by day and a woman by night? They all wanted Fai, in one or both forms: yet it was a sort of friendly, flirtatious desire which only a few men had tried to take further, much to their eventual disappointment. One particularly insistent fellow found himself turned into a turtle for three days, which annoyed Kurogane to no end, since the man was one of his best fighters. Most of the men were smart enough to avoid "the boss's woman".

Fai lifted her hands above her head and clapped them, jangling the tambourine. She looked back over her shoulder at Kurogane, smiling brightly, and he allowed himself to nod and raise his glass slightly in acknowledgment of her.

They'd won a battle today, by Fai's magic, which made her the center of attention even more tonight than usual. Kurogane didn't like fighting with magic; somehow it reeked of foul play...but since it spared many lives on both their side and the enemy's, and would undoubtedly bring the war to a quick end as the enemy began to fear Nihon's power, he was forced to accept it as a good method. They'd been fighting near the sea, on a plain within view of the ocean, the scent of salt mingling with the smell of horses and blood and fear. The battle hadn't been going well; they'd lost several men within the regiment, and in the entire division, nearly a hundred had died, and fifty again were badly injured. Finally, Fai brushed blood-matted hair from his eyes and spoke to Kurogane.

"_That's enough of this. There's no point in letting more die when I can end this now."_

So, with Kurogane watching his back, Fai raised his hands high, strange runic symbols flooding from his fingers, a kekkai forming around the regiment, and suddenly a great wave rose from the ocean and rushed towards the plain. By the time it struck, it had diminished, so that though the enemy forces were baffled, drenched, and terrified, only a scarce few were washed out to sea and drowned.

The enemy retreated with all the dignity of scurrying rats, and the division commander bowed gratefully to Fai and Kurogane before he went to have his wounds tended. The commander was a man Kurogane respected; but both of them knew Kurogane would have been better suited for the higher position, and the higher ranked man never hesitated to acknowledge that fact. Tomoyo's motives were always obscure, but Kurogane found he didn't really mind commanding only a regiment. Having a smaller group of men allowed him to interact with each one more personally, become friends, and thereby inspire loyalty.

Fai was dancing with one of the men now, childishly, holding both his hands as they spun around and around. Kurogane rolled his eyes and tried not to watch the dizzying spectacle. One of the men had the tambourine, and was shaking it completely out of sync with the music. The general sobriety level of the entire regiment was going downhill fast. Under their joviality, he knew they were mourning their fallen comrades, knew they were drinking more out of sorrow than joy. He knew the day had taken its toll on Fai too; despite her light-hearted demeanour, he could see the sadness behind the pasted on smiles. He wasn't surprised when she smilingly detached herself from the soldiers and slipped away. He waited until the soldiers were just a little bit drunker, then he followed after her.

She was walking between the trees just a little distance from camp, the long, loose cloth of her sleeves and skirt flowing behind her, making her look royal and magical, like the fairy creatures depicted in the pictures his mother used to show him as part of bedtime stories during his childhood in Suwa. Fai was facing away from him, but as soon as he approached her she turned and gave him a sad little smile. She'd undone the braid, and her hair fell softly around her face. She was beautiful, but it was the sadness in her eyes and the falsity of her smile that held his attention. He'd always hated those fake smiles, from the moment when he'd first set eyes on the wizard with the happy mask, nearly seven years ago.

"I should have acted sooner. I could have saved more..."

He shrugged.

"Maybe. But you can't go back and change it, so it's best left alone. Besides, if what the witch always claimed is true; if everything is fated and inevitable, then those men were bound to die, some way or another, even if you had helped sooner."

She stepped close to him, reaching up to wrap her arms around his neck. He heard bracelets jingle and smelled sake on her breath. Sometimes, he took a moment to ponder what their relationship was and where it was heading; for though kisses and the frequent but basically innocent sharing of a bed had become routine, little else had changed from the years before Fai had become a woman. He was content, for the most part, to let things progress in their own time...but he wondered whether Fai was discontent, whether she was waiting for some word from him, some signal to take their strange friendship further. With his knowledge of relationships limited to physical encounters and vague memories of how his parents had interacted with each other, he really didn't quite know what she might want from him. Did she want a confession of love? It wasn't that he didn't love her...one way or another...and it wasn't that he was somehow ashamed to admit it, though he could at times be somewhat shy and awkward. Rather, it was that in his mind, words were cheap and often meaningless. Action was proof of sincerity. He had written his love for Fai in his own blood and sacrifice many times throughout the years and he really didn't see the point in words after all they'd been through, all they'd done for each other. Just because the love was growing and changing with time and the change in Fai didn't alter that: if she didn't know how he felt without the words, then Fai didn't know him as well as he thought she did.

Her lips brushed his lightly and he discarded the thoughts for the time being. He wondered briefly whether she'd been reading his mind a little, and hoped that if she had, she understood his feelings. Fai rested her head against his chest and sighed.

"I don't like war and death, Kurogane. It makes me feel small and helpless and scared, like I'm back in that horrible valley all over again, with nothing but corpses and the hopeless wish of reaching Fai to keep me company."

He pulled her close and breathed in the scent of her hair; freshly washed in the stream near camp. He'd guided the wizard to the water; in the aftermath of the battle Fai had been almost catatonic, splattered with the blood of those he'd killed. Fai tended to be that way: at dawn, she changed her form to that of a male, and he fought all day alongside the other men, strong and unhesitant to kill. But in the aftermath of the battle, the hurt showed through. He often seemed slightly dazed, until Kurogane guided him through washing the blood from his hands. It had been the same in Shura, so long ago. He remembered nights when Fai curled up on his cot and cried quietly, thinking Kurogane was asleep. These days, Fai returned to her female form and cried in his arms. It warmed something inside him, to know that she now trusted him to see and comfort her pain.

He tilted her head up, not surprised by the tears sliding down her face from beneath tightly closed eyes, lashes thick with moisture. He knew why she had her eyes closed, and it wasn't to hide the tears.

"Open your eyes, Fai." She buried her head in his neck and he heard her breath quicken slightly, even as she shook her head in denial. "Fai. I know you don't like it, and I understand why, but you need to keep your strength up. It's been a month."

Hungry, slitted golden eyes peered up at him; the predatory look seemingly incongruous with the tears flowing from those strange, lovely orbs.

"I hate it." She whispered, even as fangs ghosted down his neck. "I hate killing, hate washing the blood of the dead and dying from my hands and then coming here to taste and savour yours. I hate thinking that one day your blood might stain some other soldier's hands."

"Won't happen." He resisted the natural urge to tense against the fangs, knowing that tensing only made it hurt, even if only a little. He took a breath and relaxed, feeling only the slightest prickling sensation as she bit down. "I won't die, not for a damn long time. There is honour in death in battle...but there is also honour in surviving, in growing old and dying only when the age catches up to you. I have too much to live for to allow myself to fall in battle."

She pulled away to look up at him with teary, cat-like eyes and bloodstained lips.

"Promise?"

He kissed her, ignoring the blood.

"Promise. I won't die; not until nature forces me to."

As she returned to feeding, he felt her body shaking, and hoped that her tears now bore at least a trace of happiness.

**......................................................................**

Fai spun his staff in his hands almost idly, listening to the whooshing noise and trying not to think of the battle ahead. He sensed a strange power coming from the enemy's camp, a power which gave him an odd, nervous feeling. He suspected they had brought their own magician this time, to counteract his magic. Judging by the way the power kept splitting and then reforming, it seemed likely it was two magicians rather than one; and with the similarity in the feel of their power, they were likely related, or perhaps just master and acolyte.

"C'mon mage, time to go."

He glanced up at Kurogane, who was holding the reins of their horses and fumbling with a loose strap on his armour with one hand. His laugh sounded fake even to himself as he moved to help the ninja, tightening various buckles and generally fussing over Kuro-sama like a wife sending her husband off to battle. A part of Fai wished intensely that that could be his place; to wait behind for the victorious soldier to come home. But if he did not accompany his companion into battle, there might not be a victory or a return. Fai hated how much was staked on his magic, how easily it could change a situation, how utterly necessary it was for him to be present in the battles in case anything went wrong. He could feel the horror twisting itself around his heart at the thought of another day of pointless bloodshed.

He mounted his mare easily. There hadn't been horses in Celes; though he wasn't sure whether they simply didn't exist in that world, or if they just didn't do well in the cold climate. However, Fai had quickly come to love the creatures once introduced to them. His horse was a three year old black mare. He'd been happy to have a black. He didn't want to see blood splattered across a lighter color.

Kurogane ran one hand down Fai's leg; not a lustful gesture but rather a calming one, as if attempting to comfort a spooked mount. Fai forced himself to relax, to take reassurance from the warmth of the ninja's touch. He watched, a little calmer now, as Kurogane checked the buckles on the mare's saddle and then mounted his own black. A stallion, of course. Fai smiled to himself slightly. Somehow the idea of Kurogane riding a mare or gelding seemed amusing.

The ringing of blades clashing, the shouts of soldiers, the cries of the wounded, the snorts and whinnies and occasional frightened screeches of the horses...the sounds of battle rang in Fai's ears, and he tried to focus on the soft nickering of the mare and the stallion, who appeared to be in some deep equine conversation with each other. These horses were a matched pair, who pulled a royal carriage when they were not used as war horses. They seemed fearless; accustomed to both the laughter of nobles and the screams of the dying; familiar with both the flapping of fine silks in their faces and the sight of swords flashing before their eyes; at ease with both the scent of overbearing perfume and with the stench of blood and terror. Fai envied the horses' confidence.

A sudden wave of horrifyingly familiar power washed over Fai's senses. He stiffened and cried out slightly. Kurogane looked back at him, concerned. Fai scrambled off the horse and ran up a small hill to one side of the field where the battle raged. Looking out over the plain, he watched Nihon's men scramble hurriedly to their feet after having been apparently knocked down by the surge of power. Suddenly, he sensed the source behind him, and spun around quickly. A part of him already knew, already understood what he would find.

Still, that strange knowing could not ease the shock when he turned and looked into his own eyes.


	18. Meeting

**AN: This chapter was confusing to write (and probably to read)...but I hope it didn't turn out too badly. This story isn't terribly popular anyway, so I'm just having fun...but I hope I don't disappoint any faithful readers too badly. **

When Fai cried out, dismounted, and ran up the hill a short distance away, Kurogane followed; though he took the time to tie the horses to a thin tree nearby. When he crested the hill and took in the sight before him, he found he could do little but gape. Of all the quick thoughts that had run through his mind, all the reasons he might have conjured up mentally to explain Fai's sudden strange behaviour, this was one thing he would never have considered. Before him on the hill, staring at each other in equally apparent shock, were _three _Fais. For a moment, Kurogane's mind refused to process the sight; could not develop any plausible explanation for this stunning event. Finally, however, he began to understand. Quickly, he walked towards Fai...the one he knew, that is...who was easily recognizable from the others because, whereas the two newcomers wore Tifar's crest, the one he knew wore Nihon's. Though, Kurogane thought he would easily have found _his _Fai even without such things.

Fai still seemed to be in the phase where he could not understand what he was seeing. Kurogane walked behind him and settled his hands on the shorter man's shoulders, feeling the blonde shaking hard. At the touch, Fai seemed to draw his wits back about him, though the shaking did not cease. Kurogane spoke first.

"Your names are Fai and Yuui, aren't they?"

Upon closer inspection, it was obvious that these two, though definitely identical to Fai, were younger; they looked to be in their late teens. Their hair was much longer than Fai's, worn in matching braids down to about mid-thigh. They nodded in time, eyes wide, staring at Fai. Leaning back against Kurogane as if he might fall otherwise, Fai spoke in a shaky voice.

"This world's versions...Fai...how old are you two?"

They wore rings set with sapphires, Kurogane noticed; one had his on the right hand, the other had his on the left. It appeared to be the only way to tell them apart. The one with the ring on the right hand spoke, his voice just as identical to Fai's as his face was, except somewhat younger.

"I'm Fai. He's Yuui. We're seventeen years of age. Who are you, wizard, and why do you look like us?"

He spoke strongly, but there was nothing harsh in his words, only seriousness. Kurogane essentially ignored him, watching the other one; Yuui. He was a step behind his twin, hands tucked in his sleeves, his head tilted just slightly to one side; and though he was not smiling, there was a trace of familiar mischief in his eyes. Suddenly, Fluorite (Kurogane had quickly taken to mentally calling his friend that so as not to confuse himself with keeping the names straight) threw himself at the teenage Fai, hugging the boy tightly. Naturally shocked, the teenager went stiff. Yuui, standing behind him, appeared torn between worry and amusement. Kurogane stepped in, very gently prying Fluorite away from the boy.

"You two are serving Tifar?" They nodded simultaneously again. "I think you'd better come with us, so we can sort this out, explain to you what's going on."

"No." It was Fai who spoke. He seemed to be the leader of the two. "You will explain it to us here. If we go with you, we have no guarantee that you will not take us captive or kill us. We stay here."

"Fine. Oi, mage, you wanna explain it?"

Fluorite seemed to have calmed considerably, slowly accepting this surprising turn of events. He quickly performed the spell to change back to her presently permanent, female form. The boys watched with somewhat amazed, impressed looks. Nihon's mage spoke, her voice a little shaky, but not terribly.

"It'll be easier to tell us apart this way. Do you two have another name?"

"Ninavas. Fai and Yuui Ninavas. We're the sons of Prince Ninavas, who is the younger brother of our country's king."

"We can call you Prince Fai and Prince Yuui then, to keep you separate from me. My name is Fai Fluorite."

Prince Yuui stepped forward, and Kurogane continued watching him. This was what Fai might have been as a youth, had his childhood not been ruined so that the hurt followed him even when he was in Ashura's care. The boy had a happy, carefree air about him which Kurogane knew that Fai would never completely achieve, no matter how much her pain eased. The teen spoke for the first time, and though his voice was the same, he seemed less serious than his brother.

"You share a name with my brother. Are you from another world?"

Fai gave him a startled look.

"You know of the other worlds?"

"We are magicians. Our father is a dreamseer. It would be hard for us _not _to be aware of the other dimensions. I never thought to meet an alternate version of myself, though."

Prince Fai turned to his brother, giving him a questioning look.

"What're you talking about? She's Fai and I'm Fai, so she's _my _alternate, not yours."

Prince Yuui shook his head firmly, stepping forward to take Fai's hands and study her.

"No. She calls herself Fai, but her essence is the same as mine. She's Yuui."

The more solemn twin eyed Fai curiously.

"Is that true?" Fai nodded, staring at Prince Fai with eyes brimming with tears. Kurogane wondered whether he ought to take her away, before it came out that her twin had died; that this, to her, was almost like a reunion with the one she had lost. It was too late for that, though. "If you are Yuui, where is your Fai? Have you separated?"

Strangely, Prince Yuui seemed to understand first, even though his twin had up 'til now seemed the leader and perhaps somewhat sharper of the two. Tears to match Fai's welled in his eyes, and he suddenly wrapped his arms around his brother's right arm, holding on tight for a moment before he disentangled one arm and reached out to Fai, taking her hand in a kind comfort which was somewhat strange, what with the fact that they were essentially the same person.

"He's dead, isn't he?"

Prince Fai gasped, naturally somewhat horrified by the idea of his own (in a sense) death. Still, his voice stayed steady and calm.

"Does that mean I am also destined for death?"

His twin answered him, still clinging as if by doing so he could ensure his brother remained with him.

"I don't think so. Yuui, how did your brother die? And when?"

Fai was shaking. Thinking of that time was one thing she still avoided like the plague. Kurogane wrapped an arm around her shoulders and spoke for her.

"Fai gave his life for Yuui's sake. They were children at the time, but they had been trapped in a timeless valley, so it's hard to say how old they really were. Still, just the fact that in this world, twins aren't considered unlucky probably means you have a different fate."

"Twins, considered unlucky?" Prince Yuui finally let his twin go and hugged Fai tightly instead. "That's stupid! Twins are just twins. And besides, we have double the power we'd have if we were only one, so we're considered more lucky than unlucky here..."

Prince Fai tugged his twin back gently and knelt in front of Fai, staring into her eyes with his own solemn, matching eyes. After a moment, a sadness seemed to come over him, and he rested his forehead against hers.

"So much pain, in your eyes." He laid his hands on each side of her head and spoke more softly than had been his norm thus far. "If I were to give my life for my beloved brother, I would not want it to cause this pain. I would want to look out from the realm of spirits and see joy in those eyes. I would want to know that my sacrifice was worth it, that he would live life with enough happiness and love for both of us. Yuui, please...for the sake of my other self, wherever he may be, whether he sees or does not, honour his sacrifice with joy. If ever I fall for my brother's sake, that is what I would desire; and surely my desire must be not unlike that of my other self, your brother."

As the armies below clashed, confused as to where their mages had gone, the only sounds were the sounds of battle and the sounds of Fai's sobs.


	19. Falling

Kurogane stood, arms crossed, in the shadows of the veranda, watching a certain person suspiciously.

As it had turned out, the meeting between the mages from Tifar and the mage from Nihon had been the key to ending the short war; for mages were, in a sense, the most important person in an army, and if a treaty could be made between mages, even the royalty could scarce oppose it. As it turned out, there was no argument from either Amaterasu-sama or the twins' uncle, King Theras. Theras seemed a good-hearted sort, and had offered Fai a sort of honorary adoption, but Fai had smiled, thanked him, and refused. Kurogane had never seen her as care-free as she had been since they met the twins. She spent hours with them, and, though he would never admit it or let it show, Kurogane was actually beginning to resent them a little. He wanted to make Fai happy, had done what he could towards that goal, but he could not do what Prince Fai had done; essentially give her a message from her dead brother, be the same person as her dead brother. Once, he would have thought it would be a relief to have Fai distracted and off pestering someone else, but he was actually finding it to be intensely lonely. Honestly...he could be honest with himself, if not with anyone else...he was actually jealous of the brats.

However, at the moment, that was not what was on his mind. Empress Medini occasionally sent emissaries to visit with Nihon's royalty and ensure the stability of the treaty. This time, it had led to another strange "reunion" with an alternate version of a familiar face. Prince Ashura was Medini's cousin, a young man, who, like the twins to Fai, was identical to Fai's king, but younger. He was twenty years old and ruled over a large province within Karthan. He was, by all accounts, a just ruler, a powerful mage and warrior, and a kind man. Fai's reaction to him had been strangely serene; her meeting with the twins seemed to have given her a new peace of mind. Ashura had shown up two days ago, while the twins were in their own country. They'd arrived back today...they seemed to live in Nihon these days more than in Tifar. They had yet to meet Ashura, as far as Kurogane knew, and he awaited the inevitable encounter with a sort of tense curiosity, wondering how the fates of Ashura and the twins were intertwined in this world, and hoping it had a better outcome than it had in Celes.

Prince Fai walked out into the garden where Ashura and Tomoyo were having tea. At his side was one of the people, aside from Fai, who Kurogane suspected kept him coming back to Nihon so often. Sotiri was beautiful in her extravagant kimono, her hair fastened up in elaborate fashion and her eyes shining eagerly as she looked up at the prince. Prince Fai dressed like a man, thankfully; rich, dark clothing tailored to suit him, his hair braided and a thin silver circlet adorning his head. Kurogane smiled a little at the oddity of the young prince and the former courtesan so obviously enamoured of each other. They made a handsome couple, really, and if Theras' apparent kindness was any indication, Sotiri's past probably wouldn't prevent a marriage between them; especially since the girl had two empresses, a princess, and a mage backing her up.

Ashura and Prince Fai greeted each other with polite words and pleasant smiles...and not even a hint of anything else. There was no overwhelming feeling of fate, no signal of destinies intertwined. Sotiri moved to stand behind Tomoyo, Prince Fai sat down at the table, and the royals began making idle conversation while Prince Fai and Sotiri made sheep's eyes at each other. Kurogane was muttering irritably to himself about stupid kids and young love when suddenly hands pressed over his eyes and lips pressed against his.

"Guess who!" She kissed the corner of his mouth lightly and giggled softly. "Miss me?"

He pried the hands away from his eyes and scowled at Fai's smiling face.

"Why would I miss you, idiot?" He was aware that the way he pulled her closer and kissed her hard contradicted his words, but damn, he _had _missed her. All she wanted to do these days was stay with the twins, and after almost seven years, having her ignore him was vaguely like having half of his body pry itself free and attach itself to someone else. Incredibly odd, slightly amusing, and hugely unpleasant. "What are you up to, mage? Finally bored of those brats?"

"Aww, Kuro-sama, you're jealous!" Fai kissed his chin and pulled away to grin happily. "Prince Fai is in love with Sotiri, and Yuui's having a bath, so I have nothing to do."

"Nice to know I'm a last resort when you're bored."

"That's not what I mean, Kuro-puu!" Her smile faded a little. "I'm sorry I've been so distracted...it's just...I never thought I'd have this chance...to spend time with Fai like this...and...I just want to enjoy it, because I know how quickly it can all go wrong."

He wrapped an arm around her and ruffled her hair with his other hand.

"You know, King Theras and Empress Medini are both dreamseers, but neither seem to think that anything bad is likely to happen to the twins. No more likely than any other person, that is. They could always get sick, or die in battle or in an accident, or even be murdered, but the chances aren't any bigger than with anyone else in this world. Fate isn't set against them."

Her smile came back, though a little less certain.

"I know...it's just...scary."

He kissed her lips again lightly, and spoke gruffly.

"Spend as much time with them as you want, idiot. Nothing bad's gonna happen to them, but when Prince Fai and Sotiri get married and have a bunch of brats running around, they won't have any time to play with you anymore, so enjoy them while they'll still put up with you."

She cuddled against his side, smiling. The two princes and the princess rose and headed back to the palace, talking animatedly about something. And it was then that it happened; like the moment in one of those annoying romance "movie" things that some worlds had, when the hero and heroine met for the first time. Prince Yuui came out of the castle, head buried in a book; the damp, un-braided length of his light hair falling almost to his knees; wearing, Kurogane noted with an amused snort, a light orange furisode with red trimmings. Completely absorbed in whatever he was reading, he ran headlong into Ashura. It was like watching a corny romance in slow motion, the way Ashura grabbed him with gentle, steadying hands and a laugh, bending gracefully to pick up the dropped book, coming back up to actually look at the younger prince for the first time, and even though he'd already met the identical Prince Fai, the reactions on both parts were completely different. Everyone in the vicinity went silent to watch the interaction, watch the way the two stared at each other for what seemed an interminably long time. Finally, Ashura handed the book back with a smile. Prince Yuui smiled shyly back, and everyone could see the way he started slightly when their fingers brushed in the exchange. Standing next to Kurogane, Fai stared wide-eyed, lips slightly parted in surprise. The royal group continued into the palace, Prince Fai giving his twin a questioning look before they left, leaving Yuui standing in the path, hugging the book to his chest and blushing brightly, unaware of Kurogane and Fai in the shadows. Fai whispered quietly to her companion.

"It wasn't like that when I met him. Of course, I was a child then...but still...that...there was never a moment like that between Celes' Ashura and I. When we first came to Nihon, after all those months I'd been so stupidly bitter towards you...when I came into your room and you were awake and alright, and I'd forgiven you..." He nodded towards his alternate self. "...that's how I felt, then."

"And you punched me!" Kurogane whisper-shouted back. "Why couldn't you just blush like a girl and hug a book?"

"Oh hush. You deserved it, for hitting me in Infinity, and for scaring me so bad when you cut off your arm. Besides, I was really emotional right then...I'd just...oh, well never mind that for now. I think I just watched myself fall in love at first sight with Ashura. It's a little bit disturbing."

"A little bit? It's damn creepy! And what were you saying before? You'd just what?"

Fai tugged on Kurogane's sleeve.

"C'mon, let's leave Yuui be. Tomoyo's not here anymore to guard and you're not on duty anyway. Let's go back to your room. We can drink and play cards. It's been a long time since we could just relax together. Five weeks since we met the twins and three months of war before that."

Kurogane allowed himself to be pulled along. When he glanced back, Yuui was spinning in happy circles, looking up at the sky and smiling brightly. The ninja rolled his eyes.


	20. Declarations

Fai was sprawled on her back on a scattered deck of playing cards brought from Piffle. Her outer kimono spread open around her and she hummed approvingly as the man above her nipped lightly at her collarbone. Twirling the Ace of Hearts around in her fingers, she grinned up at Kurogane.

"This isn't quite what I meant when I said we could play cards."

Kurogane braced himself on hands and knees above her and grinned wolfishly.

"This is more fun."

She sat up, forcing him to move back slightly, and reached for the open bottle.

"You're fun when you're a little drunk."

He snorted, let her drink, and as soon as she set the bottle down, pushed her back so she lay down again.

"I'm not drunk. If I was drunk," He skimmed his finger down the front of the shift-robe she wore. "you wouldn't still be wearing this."

She laughed but was quickly silenced by his mouth. For long moments, they kissed almost desperately, neither of them quite sure where this sudden urgent longing had come from, yet both enjoying it. Finally, he pulled away a little, resting his forehead on hers and letting their panted breaths mingle. When he spoke, his voice was husky.

"You'd just what?"

She blinked and tilted her head questioningly.

"Huh?"

"Out in the garden, you said that, that time when you hit me, you were very emotional because you'd just...something. Just what?"

"Why are you pressing this topic, Kuro-sama?"

She leaned up to kiss him, but he pulled away just a bit, not allowing it.

"Because something about your voice and face when you said it tells me it's something important."

"I'm not sure it's something you'll want to hear, Kurogane."

"Just spit it out."

She smiled softly. There was no sadness in her eyes or expression, he noted. A hint of uncertainty, yes...but no sorrow or hurt. So what could it be that she thought he wouldn't want to hear, if it wasn't something saddening or hurtful? She wrapped her arms around his neck and moved up so that her lips brushed his with every word.

"I was emotional because...when I thought you would die, it felt like I'd been ripped apart. I spent three days sitting by your bed, willing your eyes to open; hoping desperately that you'd forgive me, for making you lose your arm, for not forgiving you when you had me turned to a vampire. And during those days...I began to understand. I was emotional because...because I'd just realized how totally and irreversibly in love with you I was. And I still am."

Kurogane forced himself not to stiffen or retreat, reminding himself of who this was and how welcome those words were, even though his body seemed to instinctually want to flee from such a declaration. He went still and silent, mulling over an appropriate response and savouring the light, happy feeling that soared through him. He opened his mouth to speak...though he had no idea what he was planning to say...and a finger pressed to his lips stopped him.

"Don't say anything unless you want to. I understand that words are not your way of expressing yourself...and the things you've done for me prove to me that you care. I don't need the words, as long as you're willing to show me in other ways."

He sat up, pulled her into his arms, and kissed her, long and slow and gentle. Finally, he pulled back slightly and rested his chin on the top of her head, feeling silky hair between his fingers.

"You're right...I'm not good with words...but...I do love you, Fai. You're my most important person. And...if it makes you happy, I guess I can say it, every now and then."

The delight that lit her features was the most intense he'd ever seen. She looked far happier than he'd ever seen her, even around the twins, and he decided that seeing that look was entirely worth the awkwardness of expressing love with words. Her lips met his, warm and eager and soft.

He sometimes wondered, afterwards, whether that might have been the time when they consummated their relationship; atop a pile of cards with several empty bottles scattered around them, had Tomoyo not chosen that moment to enter his room unannounced.

After the prerequisite moment of awkward, startled silence, Tomoyo laughed brightly while Kurogane scrambled hurriedly away from Fai, who was pulling her outer kimono back around her and fumbling helplessly with the obi, blushing and laughing at the same time.

"Fai, you're wonderful! That's the first time I've ever been able to sneak up to Kurogane's room without him noticing, and I've been trying since we were children!" Both women smirked at Kurogane, who groaned, rubbing a hand down his face in defeat. "And what wonderful timing, as the favour I must ask of you is quite relevant." She became somewhat more serious, though still smiling slightly. "My sister and I have decided that we would like to give the lands of Suwa back to their rightful lord." Kurogane's eyes widened slightly, and he found himself filled with conflicting emotions; both happiness and sadness at the idea of returning to the place of his happy but tragically ended childhood. "Naturally, Fai, you'll go with Kurogane. And though I would never actually _order _such a thing, I would like you both to consider...getting married. Suwa could have a lord and lady again, and it would avoid a scandal. Otherwise, Fai will be mistaken for your mistress, Kurogane...and at the same time, you will become very sought by many high-ranking lords as a husband for their daughters. There may come a time when my sister would be pressured to arrange a marriage for you...so, if it was agreeable with both of you, a marriage between you will likely ward off any unwanted complications. You could simply become officially betrothed and not set a wedding date, and continue that way indefinitely...but in that case, the proper thing would be for Fai to continue living here until you were wedded, which would be somewhat complicated by Fai's need to feed from you. I'll leave you to think about it...you can have at least a month to discuss it, if you need to. There're a few renovations being done to the manor at Suwa, so you have some time."

And as quickly as she had come, Tomoyo was gone, leaving a rather shocked pair behind her. Kurogane sat on his futon and began drumming his fingers on his thigh, thinking. Fai settled herself in his lap and tapped his nose lightly to bring his (annoyed) attention to her.

"What?"

She kissed him lightly, smiling.

"Kurogane, we've been constant companions for nearly seven years. We love each other. We've gone through things far worse than most married couples go through, and we've come through still together. Would it really be so bad, to make it official? Ours vows have already been made, signed in blood and tears and time. What difference does it make, to speak a few words for the sake of tradition? It doesn't make everything we've gone through less true, even if it doesn't make it any truer either." The serious tone of her voice disappeared, and she smirked. "Besides, unmarried, we'll never get a moment of privacy. If we were married, we could have our own private rooms with no sneaky princesses popping in randomly."

Kurogane let himself chuckle quietly.

"I have my doubts as to whether that'd stop her...though maybe now that she's managed to sneak up on me, she'll lose interest."

He went quiet, thinking over Fai's words. Truly, what difference did it make? If anything, it would make things better. Memories of his parents had given him a healthy appreciation of a good marriage. And then there was the physical side of things. Fai's new, female form was a virgin; and though technically they'd both been with plenty of other people before, the very small, hidden romantic within him thought that marrying Fai before he took her was a rather sweet idea. And if they were ever to have children...he certainly wanted any son he might have to be the legitimate heir to Suwa. Really, there seemed more benefits than not to the idea of marrying Fai. They were already permanently bound together, for as long as Fai remained a vampire. So why not?

Decided now, he shifted through his memory for something else, something his mother had told him. Standing, he took Fai's hand and led her out into the garden outside his room, sitting down on the stone bench next to the fish pond and pulling her gently down next to him. He twined their fingers together and gave her one of his rare smiles that didn't look like a predator about to eat something small and furry.

"My mother said that, when Father asked for her hand, he didn't kneel, or stand above her; he sat beside her, because, he said, they were to be equals in everything. That's how we'll be, Fai..." He forced his tongue to form sounds even as the unmovable bachelor he'd been for so long tried to run screaming for cover. "Fai, will you marry me?"

Wide, surprised blue eyes stared up and him; but slowly, a very, _very _happy smile crept over her face and into those lovely cerulean eyes. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he saw tears rim her eyes and wondered whether he'd ever seen her cry tears caused only by happiness before.

"Of course, my Kurogane."

Perhaps, he thought as their lips met, this was the truest moment of happiness either had felt since their earliest days, when their lives were thrown onto the seemingly horrible path which had led them to each other. And though he wished he could have it all: wished that his parents and Fai's twin had survived to see this moment; he knew that if they had, this moment would never have come, and he knew that everything they'd gone through was worth it for this. He suspected that somewhere or other, Mother and Father and the true Fai were smiling.

**AN: 'K, so I'm gonna end Destined Desire here and start another story, beginning right from here. This just seemed like a good place to start a new one. Thanks to anyone who's read this far, reviewed, etc; and if you've enjoyed it, I hope you read and enjoy (and review! Lol) the new story too! I think it'll be called "Destiny's Path", unless anyone strongly objects to that title for some reason, lol. **


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